A few things I've learned...

I'm a firm believer that when crappy things happen you need to make sure you actually learn the lessons that come from it. Here are a few things that I have learned over the last few weeks.

1. Even if people have your best interests at heart, ultimately their interests come first. Survival of the fittest so to speak. Even though in a biological context, where that statement was meant to apply, that makes no sense. Because quite frankly, I can reproduce with the best of them. And I adapt to my environment pretty well. But anyway... You need to have a back up plan when things go amiss. And, you shouldn't place the whole of your future in the hands of another person.

2. I'm allergic to sage brush.

3. If you run in a thong for any great distance, you will suffer for it later. Just sayin...

4. I know who my true friends are. They're the ones who don't give up when you don't answer the phone or respond to texts. They're the ones who let you cry in their lap for hours and never once complain about the amount of snot and tears you're getting on they're pants. They're the ones that bring you protein shakes and homemade bread and granola bars because they think you're too skinny. They're the ones who drag you out of the house, even if it's just to the backyard, so you can actually see the sun. They're the ones who say nothing and just hand you a tissue when you burst into tears in the car for no apparent reason. They're the ones who'll tip the piercing guy and buy you coffee and stay up til 3 AM and sit around in their jammies all day with you. Love you so much.

5. You can't always run to momma. Sometimes you have to be an adult. Even if it sucks hard core.

6. You, and only you, can control your happiness. Yes, people can affect what happens around you and road blocks will always come up. But when push comes to shove it's a choice that you make. I choose to be happy. Doesn't mean I'm not allowed to cry from time to time, but in the end I'm a happy person and it will always shine through the clouds.

7. McDonalds chocolate shakes at 2 in the morning...YUM.

8. Van Halen at excessively high volumes can cure pretty much anything life throws at you.






I felt I had to give play time to both David and Sammy. Probably my two most favorite Van Halen songs ever.

This is How I'm Feeling Today...

I haven't done one of these in a while. And I'm loving this song right now. I'm done living half alive. And I'm pretty sure that I'm strong enough to do this on my own.



I know exactly who you are.

Right back at ya...

Here's a little fashion tip, and I can say this cause I'm your BFF and because I live 400 miles away so you can't kick me in the throat, you don't look good in blue. Take it off. Put on your make up and one of those big ass rings you like so much and dance around your bedroom. That's what I do when I'm super blue. I lock the door dance around in my underwear and sing in my round brush. It's more realistic than the thumb. Just sayin...



Close your eyes and dream... I'll set it up for you. Buckroe Beach. Around 5 AM. Dunkin Donuts and a faint smell of wet dog. Oh...And a wicked sore ass. Now run with it...

Love! Your! Guts! More! And you can tell cause I capitalized all my words and put exclamation points. ;P

A little ditty for ya

I just thought you might need a lil' pick me up and this song is perfect for you...





Show me a smile then don't be unhappy,
can't remember when I last saw you laughing
if this world makes you crazy and you've taken all you can bear
you call me up because you know I'll be there


love. your. guts. tons.

I have a new addiction....

My friend Jen Oswald is going to be in serious trouble. She introduced me to Etsy.com the other day. And I am TOTALLY addicted to Jada belt buckles. So friggin' cute. Here are some of my personal faves...




















































































Aren't they soooo pretty? In case anyone was wondering, Layney, I wear a size medium belt. AND, it just so happens my birthday is just 4 weeks away. Thank you and have a nice day. :)

My Mid Year Theme Song Change...

I was just thinking to myself this morning how quickly things can change. Seriously, overnight. Almost like that annoying radio format change only with a lot more personal consequences. I usually like change. It means progression. But sometimes before you can fully embrace it, you have to mourn the loss of what you knew before. I'm still sad, and I don't know that I'll ever fully understand, but I really have no more tears left. And quite frankly, my eyes have been so swollen from crying the last few weeks that they got squinty and I looked more Korean than Brenda.

And I have to think that even if it wasn't enough, I did the best I could. I know I'm an amazing friend and a good person. And one day I'll find someone who wants me for everything that I am. And my amazing chicken pot pie. Just sayin...

Until then I have Ryan Star to remind me to take my day with a smile. Because the one I have is pretty fantastic too. Infectious almost...

Full of Guesses...But no answers...

For me this blog is a place to express and work through my emotions. Yesterday, I was just trying to make sense of a situation that I just can't understand. Looking back over things that have happened to me over the last year and a half, I had an excessive amount of joy, but maybe it's because I wanted to see it that way. Maybe it wasn't really there. I don't know. I don't think I ever will. But sometimes, you need to realize that two points make a line not a pattern. And there is no need looking for hard to explain reasons when its so clear in front of you. When people have been saying this is what it is from day one and you just can't see it. Is it because I didn't want to believe it? Or was I really so foolish? I don't know the answer to that either.


I guess I am just one to see the best in people. To look beyond flaws and give of myself unconditionally. And I guess that makes me stupid to expect that I would be given the same in return.

Anyway...I was angry yesterday. But it didn't make me feel better. , Actually it made me feel worse because it goes against everything that I am. Which isn't all that great, but mean and vindictive are definitely not among my dominant qualities. And there's still that part of me that is holding on to the hope that the simple conclusion is not the real one. That my friends are wrong. That I'm not as big of a fool as I feel like right now. But I guess I'll never know that either.

As for now, I need to handle some other pressing things in my life. Unfortunately, I'm now doing those things alone. But I guess alone doesn't have to be so bad.