A song for my friend.

Because she is stronger than she knows and braver than she could ever imagine.

One step closer...

I think every one is looking for that person who is perfect for them to spend their lives with. That person who will help them grow into their full potential and be everything that they can be. That person that they could spent a thousand years with. That person who makes them feel like they've already loved them forever.






I'm lucky to have finally found that person.

Tis the season...

It's Christmas time again. Most people know how I feel about Christmas. And even more so, how I feel about Christmas music. I love it. Plain and simple. I am, however, very picky with my music. Justin Beiber covering Mariah Carey makes me want to stick knitting needles in my ears. I am a fan of the classics. Gene Autry, Jimmy Durante, Harry Belafonte, Nat King Cole. Also, I've said it before and I'll say it again....country music is acceptable at Christmas time. I grew up on Alabama and Kenny Rogers at Christmas time.

This season has been a little different for me. Personal struggles and stresses have made the holiday season a bit harder to enjoy. I've been able to understand a little more why people grow to dread this time of year. I had an experience a few nights ago that restored my faith in the season. I've been struggling with a decision that I had to make. One that I didn't want to make. One that went against all my instincts as a human, but because of the circumstances of my life had to be done. The self inflicted repercussions of it had been, little by little, destroying me. So, after a particularly hard evening that was compounded by some other events, I found myself laying on a dock at Daybreak Lake freezing my arse off at 2 in the morning. Laying in frozen seagull poop, looking at the stars and begging for some comfort. Through tear soaked eyes and a runny nose I begged my Father in heaven to let me know that it was okay. I closed my eyes and just kept saying...I believe...over and over again. When I opened them I saw a shooting star. I know it's a simple thing. A thing of nature that happens over and over again, but at that moment I knew that one was for me. An answer to a simple prayer. That was all it took. I was able to stand up and leave.

This simple act renewed my faith in the holiday season. It isn't about stressing over money and gifts. It isn't about having perfect Christmas lights. It's about faith. It's about believing in a miracle that happened long ago and believing that they can still happen today. It's about family and love and giving.

"Ships go sailing far across the sea. Trusting starlight to get where they need to be."

This has become one of my favorite Christmas songs. It's about having faith in yourself and what's inside of you. Remembering your worth and the goodness that we all have. Our divine inheritance. And if we forget, find it again on Christmas day.

A fairytale...

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess born to a wicked queen. She was raised in squalor while her spoiled sister got everything she wanted. In spite of this cruelty, she was kind and loving and ever so grateful for the wondrous things around her. She sang like an angel and the animals would sit on her shoulders and listen to her voice. She had strawberry blond hair and beautiful green eyes that shone like a rebel diamond cut out of the sun...

Sorry. I got off track. This post is about Layne. Cause it's her birfday. And she's older than me. And I love her because she always gives me good advice and loves me when I do dumb stuff. And stands up for me even if she doesn't agree with what I'm doing. She's the best older than me friend that a girl could have. She rocks. Hard. Shes always got my back.



Yeah...she's kissed me good night before. Not on the lips sickos.


Did I mention she's older than me?

I love you Layney. We'll always have each other.

My Gift.

It seems the only thing I don't fail at is failure.

Hope...

I am usually the first to criticize the Disney channel people who start singing and then get all famous because apparently 12 year old girls rule the music industry. I have found my exception. I really like her voice and I like the song. It's not profound and deep and spiritual like Brandon Flowers or Gary Lightbody. It's simplistic. But right now, I need some simple in my life. And I need some strength. If I have to get my strength from the Disney channel, I'll take it.

I hope that I can be a skyscraper. I hope that one day I'll rise up. No matter how broken I get over the next few weeks. I hope that I can find the strength and worth in myself to overcome all the trials and tribulations that I have endured. I hope that I can remember who I am. I hope I can improve upon that and become better. I hope I can be an example to my children of someone who is strong and can keep their head high no matter the ordeal. I hope that I can once again view myself as someone of value. I hope that I can remember my humor. I hope that I can share that with other people. I hope I can be a good friend. I hope I can give my experiences and what I've learned to help someone else. All I can do is hope...

little bird...

For my sweet friend.

Who's almost perfect.

And doesnt need to change

For anyone but herself.