Sometimes so many things happen in our lives all at once that it's hard to keep a steady grasp on what's important. So, we bend and shift who we are to fit our environment. To be able to function. To be able to survive. We make choices that are so far out of character for us that it's like we've stepped outside of ourselves and let someone else steer the ship for a while. Then for a brief moment our eyes are opened. You look in the mirror and wonder who is this person looking back at me. Where's the happiness? Where's the smile and bright eyes? Where's the laughter? Where's the joy? Why am I holding this handful of pills trying to find myself in them?
I was sitting on my back porch this morning watching it rain and pondering the path that I have ahead of me. It's a rough road I'm about to walk. I'm just beginning it and I'm already a little off track. So, I started to panic a little. Wondering how am I going to do this and stay true to who I am? The answer came to me so clearly that I almost felt like an idiot that it was so simple.
I've always been one to give myself completely to those that I love. And I don't give up on people. And I realized that I had. I'd given up on myself. I let someone that I love more than life itself push me away. Say they didn't need me because of fear. I'm not doing it anymore. I'm standing up for love. It's my choice.
1 comment:
Not this time. This time the choice was made for me and there's nothing I can do about it. And it's not the best thing for me.
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