I'm just a woman scorned. And quite frankly, anyone who has dealt with the crap that I have would be too. I have had my fair share of man folk in my life, but when I sit down and think about it there are really only four that stand out.
The first was an arrogant s.o.b who thought, and actually still thinks, the sun rises and sets for him. But he could sing like an angel so I let him get away with it. But high school ends and people move on.
The second decided to ask me to marry him and then tell me he had a wife and two kids in another state. And while we're on him, I met him at an LDS singles activity, which he was neither. Big phoney. Made that one easy to move on from too.
The third, well, sometimes people just aren't compatible and no matter how much you try to mold yourself to make them happy eventually your true self comes shining through. Unfortunately, not everyone is ready for your light. Or jelly, for that matter.
The fourth was a different story. I don't know that I'll ever fully move on. And I'm okay with that. Sometimes the good times can outweigh the bad and if you focus on them it makes your heart getting twisted into a pretzel and handed back to you easier to deal with. But sometimes you lose focus on those times and are filled with so much grief that you can barely move because the pain is so intense. I think that was the first time that I actually felt love and loss. And DAMN! that shit sucks.
So anyway...I feel I have cause to be wary of men and their intentions with me. I think even the purest ones can get tainted because of selfishness or guilt or unrealistic expectations or jealousy or whatever the hell you want to refer to it as.
Ummm...I've been listening to The Cure a lot again these days. I think I need a vacation on the beach. But I feel that the first song is how you feel in the beginning. The second is how you feel at the end. I guess it's up to us to decide which we hang on to.
(PS Couldn't find English lyrics for Apart. But if you don't know them, look them up. Very poignant.)
2 comments:
Man hater? No, we're man lovers, and that's what hurts? So complicated it what it is, and that's all i know. One thing I've learned today--hos before bros. (If you read this, JW, you my ho too.)
Indeed. I'd be a lesbian if I could get past all the sex with a woman stuff. (shivers)
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