I love this song. It reminds me of me. And I like me. Most of the time. Let me tell you a little bit about a former me. I was happy, free spirited, loved life, loved fun. I had energy. Spunk I guess. I was the class clown, but not in the annoying way. I deal with things through humor. I loved people. I had so many friends. And not the fair weather kind. True friends. The kind of friendships that you forge through hard work and support and being there for each other and giving of yourself. I had life.
That's not who I am anymore. Well, it's not who I've been for a while now. I lost it. I felt suffocated and trapped. I lived for someone else besides myself. I did everything to make that person happy. To serve them. I gave up everything I was to be who they wanted me to be. I became a mother. I raised and taught four beautiful children. I lived through their lives. Their accomplishments and growth. I had to. I had none of my own. I was stagnant. Wallowing in emptiness. I had nothing to sustain me and honestly, I don't know how I survived. It was through the grace of God. I'm grateful that he saw a purpose for me because I didn't. I saw nothing in myself. Nothing of what I once was. Only the achievements that I helped others earn. And yes, there is value in that. But it's fleeting. You can't take claim on anothers accomplishments. I became a shell of who I was. And I lived that way for a long time to keep the peace and make others happy.
But I can't anymore. I need to live for myself. I need to find things that give me joy again. And I can't allow others and their beliefs to hold me down anymore.
'Cause I used to be a shell. Yeah, I let him rule my world. But I woke up and grew strong. And I can still go on.
I'm not going to be a shell anymore.
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