Dark Side

I've wanted to do a post for a while now, but I just haven't had the time or the inspiration.  But I'm sort of feeling it today so we'll see how it works out.  Many of you know that I have this weird obsession with Kelly Clarkson.  I don't know what it is really.  I have a great appreciation for people who can actually sing and since we first saw her doing it live, I know she can.  I think it may stem a little from the fact that I got sucked into the American Idol craze when it first started.  You see, I once thought I was a really good singer.  Sang in high school and in college and I thought I wanted to teach music when I finally grew up.  But instead, I became a mom, stopped singing, except bed time lullabies and lost it.  It's not like riding a bike.  If you don't use your voice, it goes away to a degree.  Kind of sad really.  But anyway...that's not what this post is about.

Here's the beautiful thing about life.  You get to grow.  You get to learn from mistakes, make changes and move on.  Some of us have deep rooted issues that cause us to continually make the same mistakes over and over again and take a little more time to overcome.  So here's another beautiful thing...sometimes we get lucky enough to find someone who loves us enough to help us overcome those things.  Someone who doesn't exploit your faults for their gain.  Someone who doesn't make you feel inferior to them because of your weaknesses.  Someone who loves you in spite of them.  Someone who makes you better just by being there with you.

I am one of those people.  I got stuff in my soul that would scare the boogeyman. I struggle with honesty.  More with myself than others, but them too.  I struggle with standing up for myself.  It's easier for me to just let other people win and take advantage of me than to cause a fight.  I have absolutely no confidence in anything that I am or anything that I do.  Because of this, I am easily swayed from what should be deep rooted convictions. I stay loyal to people I shouldn't for far too long hoping for changes.  Convincing myself I'm being a good friend by being taken advantage of.  It's ridiculous really the extents I will go for the wrong people.

Anyway...that's just a thin layer of my dysfunction, but luckily, I found Patrick.  When we first started dating I had concerns about our difference of opinion in just about everything.  But my sweet friend Rebecca put things in perspective for me.  She said, "We (meaning Mormons) have this image ingrained in our heads that the only good people are LDS.  He's not LDS and look at how great he is and how much better you are with him.  That's all that matters really."  And she was right.  Being in love with a person is so much more than common ground.  It's about lifting each other and encouraging them to be their best self.  Accepting differences and finding ways to make it work in spite of them. It's about those moments when you're just together and nothing else around you matters. It's about looking deep in someones soul and saying that's scary, but I'm going in anyway.

 So, with all that said,  I love you Patrick.  I'm so glad you're mine.  And I'm even more glad my crazy didn't scare you away.  :)