That's What Friends Are For...?

I jokingly put a mock ad on my facebook account today asking for friends. Although it was silly, it was how I felt. I don't know what it is about women. And maybe it's not even all of them, but we need companionship. We need other women in our lives to share things with. To get pedicures and talk crap. Men think we're weird. They don't understand why their company isn't enough for us, but it just isn't. There is a bond between women that is just different. A sisterhood if you will.

I feel like I lost a very close friend today. Someone who I had put a lot of trust and faith into. Someone that I thought would always be there for me unconditionally, through thick and thin. Someone who didn't judge and loved me in spite of all of my mistakes. It turns out it was only contingent on me living my life according to her standards. And now, in a time of desperate need she can't be there for me because she doesn't agree with how things have turned out.

My heart aches. I feel like a gaping hole has been left. I'm tired of being hurt by people. I'm tired of feeling worthless. Like I'm less. Like a failure. Like I let people down. So, with that said...I'm going to hide for a bit. Lick my wounds and hopefully come back with a bit more resilience. Add another layer to the shell.

On this day in history...

Here I am yet again celebrating the birth of an another amazing person. My beautiful Elizabeth Grace. Probably the wisest 6 year old you will ever have the pleasure to meet. She's a watcher. She will know if you're worth her time before she gives you a second of it. And she is quite possibly the best judge of character I have ever met.

She takes no bull. Not from me, her dad or her brother and sisters. She doesn't think twice about telling you that your butt does indeed look fat in those jeans. Or that your hair looks stupid. She applies make up with more precision than most grown women and can accessorize like a fashionista.

She is incredibly kind and loving. She feels the pain that others feel. She is the first to ask for, and offer, forgiveness. She gives 100% of her heart to those that have earned it.

When she was born we had decided to call her Grace. I always loved the name and wanted that to be hers. But it became apparent from the get go that she was not a Grace but a Biz. She is tough but gentle. Course but kind. Strong but soft. She's my Bizzy Bop. And I adore her.

I started playing this song as soon as we got in the car to bring her home, and even though she didn't end up a Gracie it still became her song. Whenever she was upset we could play it for her and she would calm down. Even now she'll ask me to play her song for her when we're in the car.



Happy Birthday my beautiful Angel and total hard ass!!!

Four years ago today...

I created perfection. Just me all by myself. That was the day my little Maddi angel was born. Easy pregnancy, easy delivery and easy baby. She gave new meaning to ending on a good note. This little girl is as sweet as they come. Precocious? Yes. Stubborn as heck? Yes. Spoiled beyond belief? Possibly. But as sweet and cute as they come.

She really is my angel. She gives me cuddles and love whenever I need them. She always makes me laugh with her silliness. And the sound of that sweet little voice saying, "I love you, Mama", always makes me smile. If I leave for a weekend she always asks, "Are you gonna miss your Monkey Butt?" I love it. And I love that she loves me.

We have a special bond, her and I, maybe it's because she's my clone. She looks like me. Thinks like me. Manipulates to get her way like me. They always say that your parents pleasure is when their children have a child just like them to see what they had to go through. Well, my parents were DAMN lucky, cause if I was like Mads then I pretty much rocked. She's my sweetie. My special, as she calls herself.

I love you Mads. You give me strength to keep up the fight.






















































Even if your favorite song is retarded.





Love, Momma

Happy birthday, Lady Killer...

I have cool children. They dig good food, have great senses of humor and they have exquisite taste in music (for the most part).Today, my Little Man turns 9. He is exceptionally cool. When asked what he wanted for his birthday his swift reply was this: "An iPod Touch or a soccer ball or socks. Whatever you wanna get me, just... well nevermind." And he grinned like there was something he didn't want to tell me... "Just say it, whatever it is, I promise it's ok." He flashed his dimple at me and told me that he didn't really like it when I bought him clothes, because "you know...they just aren't like, kind of what I want?........" When my response of laughter came his warm blue eyes flashed with relief. Then he hugged me really tight and told me I was the best. The truth is, I am fairly awesome, but only because I have kiddos like him.

He got an iTunes card for Christmas and you know what cd he chose to download? "Singles" by Travis. He insists that his first concert will be with me, the next time The Killers are in town ( I would imagine he'd be happy if I footed the bill as well). He loves it when I sing him to sleep. He has two songs that he picks from- "Tidal Wave" and the Abbey Road version of "Sam's Town"- I don't know why those are his favorites, but they are. He loves snazzy sneakers, clothes, and annoying his older sisters while doting on "his baby". He's complex, beautiful and super smart.

My life almost ended the night his began, but he is worth it. He truly is a lady killer with the heart of an angel.

Here's one of his favorite songs...

Just cause I want to...

Very rarely do I find a song that I love the first time I hear it. I was driving the other night and this song came on and I actually pulled over so that I could just listen to it. I love it. So, of course, I felt the need to share.



Enjoy.

Inspirational Quote of the Day...

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. ~ Marie Corelli

Don't even act like that isn't inspiring.



Now where the hell do I get a swearing parrot?

Estheticians Wanted...Please inquire within.

Now, for those of you who know me it will come as no surprise to you when I say that I like popping things. Bubble wrap, bubbles people blow, especially when it gets all over their faces, and above all, zits. White ones, black ones, deep ones, surface ones. I'm an equal opportunity zit popper. And if I have to get the tweezers and bobbie pins out to help me, well, I'm practically in heaven. Now, this is actually really weird for me being as I have such a weak stomach. Blood, urine, poop, BO, bad hair, instant oatmeal. They all make me gag. And nothing makes me vomit more than vomit itself. But there is just something about oil and pus that makes me all giddy.

Until I saw this...



It has ruined me forever. I sat and gagged through this entire thing. Dear Lord and Baby Jesus lying in a manger. Make it stop. Who in the hell lets something like that grow on their back without seeking medical attention. Hell. No!!! You sick dirty bastard. Buy a friggin' loofah for hells sake.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAA VOMIT!!!!!!