Ain't We All Just Runaways?

My boys are back!

I am so excited to hear this song today! I woke up early thinking I'd go back to sleep after hearing the premier on KROQ. I was wrong. I couldn't have gone back to sleep if I tried. I know I'm not the most impartial judge when it comes to The Killers, but it is my firm opinion that if this song doesn't grab you SOMEWHERE, you are heartless. This is a galloping love song that sweeps you up in romance and the story of true love as it waxes and wanes over the years. Amazing.

I'm so very proud of my boys for making such a strong comeback. Battleborn- the long awaited (and reportedly difficult) album will be released in the US on September 18, 2012. From what I've heard... It's worth the almost 4 year wait. Thanks guys, for making music we can be proud to listen to.

That is all I have to say.



.

Step Outside 'Cause Summertime's In Bloom

It's been a while since I've blogged. It's sad really, because I'm quite clever. But you'll get over it. after all, I'm here now.

I'm posting a song because it's one of my all time favorites. I have a fifteen year old daughter. She mostly thinks I'm totally lame. It doesn't really hurt my feelings because it's age appropriate behavior. She's trying to be anything but like me. She's trying to figure out who she is and what she stands for. I applaud it, really- It's a big task. As she's trying to figure out what she thinks about things, I try to find ways to connect with her. One way we have always connected is through music. She loves music and so do I.

When she was a baby, Mikey was in the Navy and he was gone quite often. On the nights that he was gone, she would not go to sleep unless I played "Somebody" by Depeche Mode. When she was a toddler, her favorite songs were "Roxanne" (she thought it was about rocks and sand- I let her believe it) and "I Love Rock and Roll" (She would sing- very loudly I might add- in her little girl voice "Put another dime in the juicebox, baby!") As she's gotten older, she still loves those songs.

Unfortunately, she's also discovered Skrillex and Tokio Hotel- but that's another entirely different post- I haven't the energy to discuss it today.

But.... I have kept her as cool as possible by adding Morrissey and The Cure, as well as other important peeps to her Ipod. She has rebelled forcefully against The Killers, but I think she'll come around. She has good taste, after all. For now- we simply agree to disagree- although I maintain that she's dead wrong.

One song we both love and sing together is "Don't Look Back In Anger" by Oasis. It's a classic. Catchy and beautiful. I pretend she doesn't know what starting a revolution from one's bed means and she allows me to do so. Ignorance is indeed bliss, you know.

I love her, she's amazing and she teaches me every day. Thanks to her, I became a mom. It's one of my most cherished titles. I have great kids. We rock out on a daily basis. I'm not a perfect mother, but I'm a damn good one, and my kids know without a doubt that I love them more than life itself- because I tell them. Daily. I don't care how old they get (I've managed to stop aging- I'm lucky like that)- we will continue to jam.

There's always a reason to dance.

Enjoy this tune. It's fabulous.



/>

The Fighter

Whenever I'm doing ab work at the gym my trainer is constantly telling me one thing, "Keep your chin up."  It's kind of amazing how much harder it is to do a stinking sit up when your chin is up and not resting on your chest.   Life is kind of like a sit up.  It's so easy to get down and hide and let people get the best of you.  It's keeping your chin up that is hard.

 I was told the other day that someone said I was too immature to handle the things in my life and I was going to fall flat on my face.  I was really offended by that.  First off because who's more mature than me?  Duh!!  No one.  Secondly, how dare anyone say I'm going to fall.  Then as I thought about it I realized that they are probably right.  I don't believe it's a matter of immaturity.  I think it's a matter of growing.   People never stop growing and learning, right?  And in this process, we fall.  Some of us a lot of times.  It's how we learn.  It's how we get better.  It's how we figure out who's there for us and who isn't.  I'm very lucky to have a hand full of loyal friends and an amazing man in my life who may sometimes have to let me fall, but they always have a hand out to help me back up.

I'm not ashamed of falling.  I'm not ashamed of the mistakes I've made.  I've learned a lot of hard lessons.  Some of them two of three times before they sunk in.  Some of them still haven't.  But I'll get there eventually.  And all I can say right now is my chin is up and I'm not on the ground. That must say something about who I am becoming.

My Weekly Rant

I'm not sure why it happens, but every now and again I feel inspired to blog. This happened this morning and as I pondered what I should blog about I thought..."What can I write that will really uplift and inspire the poor suckers that click on this link?" Luckily for you folks, I came up with nothing. So what you're gonna get is this...A few things that I personally believe stupid people should never do.

 Numero uno...Since this is the first time I've been on blogger since the new upgrade I'm going to start with...work at blogger and think that you know what people want and make retarded changes to a perfectly good program and make it crap. Don't even get me started on Google calendar and the new Igoogle format. I'm guessing they have a bunch of technologically savvy dudes working there that sat around a big table with some pie charts and possibly a power point presentation with numbers and other meaningless crap and they came up with this. What you need is an interior designer. And some women. And to buy some shoes other than converse. You look like the dudes from Weezer. I mean come on...you have millions of dollars and this is the best you can do. Wicked lame. That is all.

 Two...Since any moron can drive, I'm going to skip that one and go straight to park. Seriously, not that hard people. There are even lines there that tell you exactly where the car should go. Pretty sure they started teaching "stay inside the lines" in kindergarten. Merging, four way stops, and roundabouts...just get out of the car and wave down someone else because there isn't a chance in hell you're going to get those right. Three...grocery shopping. I know it's sounds simple enough, but apparently there is a level of intelligence needed to get this done correctly. Here are a few simple tips. First, before you argue with the check out person about price matching make sure that the store you are in actually does it. Second, they have a thing called price check. So ripping off the price tag and telling the cashier that the 10 lbs of T-bones you just bought was only $4.99 instead of $30, probably isn't going to work.

 Three...there is a turning radius on grocery carts. Try not to knock down every single friggin corner display you come to. Thanks. Forth...not a play ground. Don't send your kids over to produce so you can shop in peace. Also, you should probably pay for the pound of grapes they just ate while "playing" over there. 

Fourth...own any sort of portable device that requires attention to use. You CAN NOT do two things at once. If I'm waiting in my parking stall with my lights on please do not stop behind my car for 2 minutes to send a text message because you don't have the capability to text and walk at the same time. And as much as I like to see people fall down, don't do that behind my car either.

 Fifth...give birth. You're just perpetuating the problem for future generations. Just tie that stuff up from the get go.

 Sixth...talk. Nuff' said.

 Hmmmm...I think that covers it for now. I'm going to post a song that makes me happy. For no reason other than, I'm smart enough to know how to do it. :)

 

Happier things...

I was talking to Layney today and we decided that we both needed to start blogging more. About happy things. We are both relatively happy people, but a lot of our blog posts are an outlet for our anger and disdain instead of a place for us to share the good things in our lives. So we've decided to make an effort to change that.

Today, as I cleaned my house, I made it through because I kept thinking about one thing. That in 3 short months, my brand spankin' new awesome house is going to be done. I'm super excited for it. Sometimes, I lay awake at night thinking about how I'm gonna decorate it. I know it's probably silly, but I'm a girl so silly is acceptable. I have a bunch of reasons why I can't wait to move into the house and I'm going to outline them here.

I can't breath here. I know that sounds stupid, but this house is so small I literally get claustrophobic when we are all in the same room. Now, that doesn't happen very often and it's sad really because I actually enjoy my family, but it's just too many people in a little space.

I'm a bad mom in this little house. I feel like all I do is yell at my kids. One...because it's so small and they are always on top of me. Two, because they are on top of each other and are always getting on each others nerves and fighting. Three, there stuff seems like it's everywhere. Really, it isn't, but it is. I can't stand it.

Although the house is smaller, I'm constantly cleaning. When I'm able to spread the mess out over 5000 sq feet it'll seem a lot less overwhelming. Right now, I can't even kick it under stuff because there is other stuff there.

No dishwasher. Quite frankly, I must have had my head in my rear to rent a house with no dishwasher with 4 kids. Although, I am gonna miss watching Patrick do dishes at night. It's soothing. Shut up. It is.

This house smells weird. I don't like weird smells. Especially in the basement. The cupboards stink. I've cleaned and covered and every thing else I can think of. It keeps coming back. I need my own smell.

There will be no rooster. No Mariachi music. And, for the love of pete, no hacking.

And the number one reason I can't wait to move is that it will be me and Pats home. I'm all about things that are us right now. Getting rid of the old and bringing in the new. Well, minus the kids. I'm okay to keep them. For now.

Pour Ma Douce Amie...

There are those who like to put their accomplishments or trials out there for the world to see. For recognition, sympathy, help, attention...who knows what. And then there are those who are silent. Who smile on the inside when they achieve something great. Who cry in the dark so their tears can't be seen. Who put on the smile even though they are dying on the inside. It's sad really that these people, for one reason or another, feel like they have to suffer alone. That there is no one they can call when they make a perfect chocolate bundt cake that should win a Pillsbury Blue Ribbon. Or, even more sad, when they feel like they are drowning in despair. For some, it is the ways of their past. They were never good enough. The red headed step child.

I'm here to say this today. YOU ARE GOOD!!! NO!!! YOU'RE GREAT. You have light and life and people who love you. You have demons, yes. Demons can be exorcised. They don't need to be carried. You have people who judge you. Who cares. Judge not lest ye be judged. Their condemnation will come at their own hands. Don't be afraid to tell your story. It's so great to release that burden from time to time. (Check my fb wall if you don't believe me) It doesn't have to be for gain. You aren't asking for someone to feel sorry for you. You're saying this is how it is. And look...I survived. I'm still here. I'm still fighting. Yes, I've taken a beating. More than once, but I believe in myself enough to get back up.

And guess what...I believe in you. And Mikey believes in you. And Ash. And Liz. And Ian. And Livimonster. And many, many others. So who cares about the ones who don't.



Now, you know I like originals. But you also know that I think Matthew Bellamy is the only person in the music industry right now, that includes Brandon and Gary, with skills comparable to my beloved Freddie. Da man is friggin' amazing.

You also know this post is as much for me as it is you. We both need to realize who we are and be able to stand tall. No matter how many people are trying to break us down. Put your back on me, yo. I won't let you fall. Ever.

All my love, my sweet friend.

My Side of the Story...

I've had a rough couple of days. As a woman, I have a certain time of the month when I lose complete control of my faculties. I cry, laugh and yell all within a 30 second time frame. It's cool. It's how we roll. One of the downsides of being the favored sex. But I digress. This morning I was thinking about doing a blog post and basically letting everyone have it. I was feeling really beaten down and negative, but after a waxing/therapy session with the very wise and kind and loving Jolie, I have a new perspective.

A few years ago I went through an exceptionally rough patch in my life. It was a culmination of a lot of years trying to find fulfillment in a life that was just, well, unfulfilling. I married young for two reasons. The first was that was what I was taught was expected of me. You get married and start a family. The second was because I didn't have a lot of self confidence. So, I jumped on the first opportunity that came around for fear that nothing else would. Now, it wasn't a bad choice. I knew that I would be taken care of, but I also knew that I wasn't in love. When I talked to people they would say, "well love comes with time". So, I kept my fingers crossed that it would. And to a degree, it did. You don't spend all your time with a person and not have a love for them. But it was never that passion, that newness, that I can't be and don't want to be without this person.

Then I had kids. I focused so much attention on them and on being the best mom that I could that I didn't have time to focus on the things that I didn't have. As any parent knows, it is completely unfair to expect your children to be your sole source of fulfillment in life at any age. It is way too much pressure on kids. Luckily for me I had friends. And I think I'm a really good friend. I put A LOT into my relationships with people. So when the dark times came, you can imagine my disappointment when I found that a lot of those that I considered close to me were not there. And nothing was ever said to me directly, but I heard through the grapevine that people were saying that I walked away from all of them. I was offended by that at first, but as I thought about it, they were right. I had become so dead inside that I just couldn't give the way I had before. I could barely function in my day to day life. What was hurtful though, was that instead of them putting in the effort to keep those relationships going, they just let them die. And I felt completely alone.

I had a spouse that I was completely disconnected from, children that I tried so hard to not live vicariously through, and many of the people I called friends gone. I was alone. And in that aloneness, I looked for everything and anything that would make me feel. Because of that, I made a lot of poor choices that just led me down an even darker path. I did things that were completely out of character for me, and as I look back now, I have a lot of guilt and shame over. I made a lot of excuses for my behavior at the time, but ultimately I knew that I was wrong. I wondered if my life wasn't really that bad and that I was just making excuses for my behavior by saying that I had been unhappy. Luckily, I had kept a journal and was able to read that within two months I was already regretting my decision to marry and wishing that I had been brave enough to call it off before it was too late. At two years into the marriage, I was wanting to file for divorce. In a way, it made me feel better to know that I wasn't completely crazy in how I was feeling 12 years after the fact.

And then I met Patrick, and little by little light started coming back into my life. It was hard for me at first, like someone who'd been in a cave and was coming out into the sun for the first time, but eventually I stopped fighting it and let him light up my world. I have been so grateful for him and everything that he has given me. I am grateful for the love he shows me and my children. I am grateful that he lets me cry and get snot all over him when he's holding me. I love that he washes the dishes so that I don't have to. And I even like that he listens to classic country music when he does it. Cause I secretly like a lot of it. Which I'm pretty sure he also knows, but lets me keep up my tough exterior of pretending that I hate it. I love that he forgives me when I do dumb stuff. I love that he makes my kids treat me with respect without belittling them. I love that he spoils me. I love that he lets me be me. And that he loves all of me. Even the annoying stuff. I don't have to pretend. I'm just me. And it's fabulous.

Finally I have it. I have the passion, the excitement, the I don't want to be without you...ever. The will you please come home now, cause I don't want to wait until 4 to see you. The I don't want to get out of bed in the morning cause I'll have to leave you. The I can't wait to be your wife and spend the rest of my life with you.

So instead of focusing on all the horrible stuff that happened and that I went through, I'm focusing on the amazing things I have in my life now. I'm excited for my future. I'm excited for the direction my life is taking. And I'm the most excited for my partner on my journey.

For my song choice, I wanted to post one that gave me a lot of peace during some of the darkest times in my life. Whenever I hear it I picture a father holding his daughter. Comforting her and wiping away tears. Letting her know that she isn't alone because her daddy will always be there. It was a great source of comfort for me during my darkest time. I know some of my friends will pick on me for it, but I don't care. I love Josh Groban. Just like I love Randy Travis. That is all. :)