I have a confession to make...

I hate thongs. Does that make me less of a women? I sure hope not because there are few things on this planet that I really hate. Thongs are number one. People who wear pantyhose with sandals or open toed shoes pulls a close second. But that's a whole different post. Today I would like to express my disdain for things in my crack.

First off, I'm a picker. If I have a zit, I'm gonna pop it. If I have something in my teeth, I'm gonna floss. And if there is something in my ass, I'm sure as hell gonna pull it out. So to save myself from constantly digging in my crack and having people think I have the 'roids. I don't wear them.

Second, if you ask people why they wear a thong you generally get two answers. The first is 'it makes me feel sexy'. Well guess what. I've pushed four babies out of my vagina and I have the stretch marks and chicken skin to prove it. Ain't no way a string in my ass crack is ever going to make me feel sexy. Sorry. Not happening. And the second is 'this way you don't have panty lines'. Here's a thought...Wear clothes that fit. That is all.

Third, I did at one point try the thong. My girlfriend who is a runner, like myself, swore that they were the best thing to wear on a long run. So I tried it. And here's what happened. The day after the run my ass was wicked sore. So, I did what any normal girl would have done and I dropped my drawers, bent over, and spread em in front of my mirror. To my surprise, My inner bum lining was all raw and chafed. So of course, my inner hypochondriac kicked in and I immediately got on Web MD to decipher what horrible disease I had when I realized what the culprit was. That wicked piece of cloth, that probably had been a fashion design error to begin with, had rubbed all the mucous membrane right off my sensitive little cheeks. So, after a weeks worth of vaseline applications and painful trips to the pooper, I made a vow. Never again!!! Never will I submit myself to discomfort, excessive picking and eventual chafing again. Unless, it's on an incredible piece of lingerie that is going to hit the bedroom floor in 2.5 seconds anyway.

I know that there are many women out there who are afraid to speak out against the thong. I say to you...DO NOT BE OPPRESSED ANYMORE!!! Wear your boy shorts and hot pants and bikinis, and in SOME peoples cases, double baggers with pride.

Unless you can really work it like this lady. Cause then you're just doing yourself and the people of America a disservice by not letting it all hang out. :)