Wednesday, May 23, 2012

My Weekly Rant

I'm not sure why it happens, but every now and again I feel inspired to blog. This happened this morning and as I pondered what I should blog about I thought..."What can I write that will really uplift and inspire the poor suckers that click on this link?" Luckily for you folks, I came up with nothing. So what you're gonna get is this...A few things that I personally believe stupid people should never do.

 Numero uno...Since this is the first time I've been on blogger since the new upgrade I'm going to start at blogger and think that you know what people want and make retarded changes to a perfectly good program and make it crap. Don't even get me started on Google calendar and the new Igoogle format. I'm guessing they have a bunch of technologically savvy dudes working there that sat around a big table with some pie charts and possibly a power point presentation with numbers and other meaningless crap and they came up with this. What you need is an interior designer. And some women. And to buy some shoes other than converse. You look like the dudes from Weezer. I mean come have millions of dollars and this is the best you can do. Wicked lame. That is all.

 Two...Since any moron can drive, I'm going to skip that one and go straight to park. Seriously, not that hard people. There are even lines there that tell you exactly where the car should go. Pretty sure they started teaching "stay inside the lines" in kindergarten. Merging, four way stops, and roundabouts...just get out of the car and wave down someone else because there isn't a chance in hell you're going to get those right. shopping. I know it's sounds simple enough, but apparently there is a level of intelligence needed to get this done correctly. Here are a few simple tips. First, before you argue with the check out person about price matching make sure that the store you are in actually does it. Second, they have a thing called price check. So ripping off the price tag and telling the cashier that the 10 lbs of T-bones you just bought was only $4.99 instead of $30, probably isn't going to work.

 Three...there is a turning radius on grocery carts. Try not to knock down every single friggin corner display you come to. Thanks. Forth...not a play ground. Don't send your kids over to produce so you can shop in peace. Also, you should probably pay for the pound of grapes they just ate while "playing" over there. 

Fourth...own any sort of portable device that requires attention to use. You CAN NOT do two things at once. If I'm waiting in my parking stall with my lights on please do not stop behind my car for 2 minutes to send a text message because you don't have the capability to text and walk at the same time. And as much as I like to see people fall down, don't do that behind my car either.

 Fifth...give birth. You're just perpetuating the problem for future generations. Just tie that stuff up from the get go. Nuff' said.

 Hmmmm...I think that covers it for now. I'm going to post a song that makes me happy. For no reason other than, I'm smart enough to know how to do it. :)