Tuesday, May 31, 2011

I'm going home....

You've heard people say that "home is where the heart is." If that's the case then I pretty much own property all across this grand country. From Virginia to Massachusetts to Texas to Colorado to California and right here in the Beehive State. I believe that anywhere can be home if you fill it with love and the people you care about. Square footage really becomes inconsequential if you are able to do that. Nice carpet just wears out from kids rolling around and giggling on it. And new paint gets decorated with beautiful little finger prints. It doesn't matter. Really.

Just fill it with love and joy and make lasting memories. The address is moot.

Friday, May 27, 2011

I love my B's


Play for the cup Boys!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

This is How I'm Feeling- CLeO StYLe

...in those ugly pink apartments with the hustlers and the kids mapping out some retribution...

Monday, May 23, 2011

Sometimes Even Katy Perry Gets Something Right.

I love this song. It reminds me of me. And I like me. Most of the time. Let me tell you a little bit about a former me. I was happy, free spirited, loved life, loved fun. I had energy. Spunk I guess. I was the class clown, but not in the annoying way. I deal with things through humor. I loved people. I had so many friends. And not the fair weather kind. True friends. The kind of friendships that you forge through hard work and support and being there for each other and giving of yourself. I had life.

That's not who I am anymore. Well, it's not who I've been for a while now. I lost it. I felt suffocated and trapped. I lived for someone else besides myself. I did everything to make that person happy. To serve them. I gave up everything I was to be who they wanted me to be. I became a mother. I raised and taught four beautiful children. I lived through their lives. Their accomplishments and growth. I had to. I had none of my own. I was stagnant. Wallowing in emptiness. I had nothing to sustain me and honestly, I don't know how I survived. It was through the grace of God. I'm grateful that he saw a purpose for me because I didn't. I saw nothing in myself. Nothing of what I once was. Only the achievements that I helped others earn. And yes, there is value in that. But it's fleeting. You can't take claim on anothers accomplishments. I became a shell of who I was. And I lived that way for a long time to keep the peace and make others happy.

But I can't anymore. I need to live for myself. I need to find things that give me joy again. And I can't allow others and their beliefs to hold me down anymore.

'Cause I used to be a shell. Yeah, I let him rule my world. But I woke up and grew strong. And I can still go on.

I'm not going to be a shell anymore.

Friday, May 20, 2011

After the Storm

What a strange little band this is...stranger still is how they have touched so many people in such a short period of time.

My sweet friend has been going through a lot. She's climbing a scary hill and has no clue what's on the other side. I can't tell her about the other side because I've never been there. See, I'm not much of a hiker.... I prefer malls over scary trails that lead to who the hell knows where. Plus, they have Chanel in malls. I heart Chanel.

Anywhoooooo, as usual, I digress.

Music has a gentle way of healing that nothing else can really imitate. This is a soothing little song that carries with it the melody of hope.

When you get to the other side of the hill, you really never know what awaits. I prefer to think that peace awaits. Certainly less heartache. Who knows.... maybe even happiness.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Me, myself, I got nothing to prove.

Do you ever get songs stuck in your head because of certain things you're going through? I do all the time, and I can't be the only one. Sometimes they aren't even songs I like. One time I had She Drives Me Crazy by FYC stuck in my head for about a month straight. It didn't matter what else I listened to, if there was a moment of silence in my life, it was there. I really, really, REALLY hate that song. Mainly cause the lead singer had jacked up teeth. And we all know how I feel about people with jacked up teeth. Blah. But anyway....

So, I've had this song stuck in my head for a few days now and I didn't really understand why until I sat and thought about the lyrics. Then I realized why it was there. I really think it's my subconscious giving me insight to what I'm really feeling. As many of you know I've been dealing with some pretty crappy stuff over the last couple of years. Well, it finally came to a head. And not in a pretty way. I mean I knew it wouldn't. But I didn't expect to feel the way I feel. I hate that I am such a weak person and that I can't just stick to my guns. I hate that I am so swayed by other peoples emotions. I feel like I give in a lot just to keep the peace. And if someone cries, forget it. I'm like the mother of the wretched kid throwing a fit at Target. Giving them exactly what they want just so they'll stop. Or not bring attention on me. And I always end up unhappy about it in the end. But everyone else around me is. So , I suck it up. Cause if everyone else is happy and I'm the only one unhappy then the decision must have been right. Since I'm in the minority.

This isn't a happy song. It's not a happy ever after song. It's about hoping for better and ending up in the same predicament just in a different place. But it is about working hard and doing what's best for you. Even if it means doing it on your own.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Riding Along In My Automobile....

I have some things to complain about again. I know you aren't surprised. That's basically what I do. Complain, breath and eat. We all know I don't sleep or poop. And I occasionally shower. But anyways...

Today I feel I need to start my rant on the drivers in the Beehive state. I mean, seriously. I have never seen an IQ drop so dramatically as when people get behind the wheel of a car. I just don't get it. The traffic laws really aren't that hard. So...

1. Blinkers. They're there for a reason. Use them.

2. It is not necessary to come to a full and complete stop on Redwood Road before turning right when your light is green.

3. The acceleration lane on the freeway is there for a reason. And oddly enough, it's right in the name what you should be using it for. Accelerating. Lets get to freeway speeds people. Come on now.

4. Learn how to f'ing merge. I'll make it easy for you. Here's the site.

http://publicsafety.utah.gov/dld/handbooks.html Look it up bitches.

Okay...enough about driving.

5. Why the hell do the gas pumps pop when you squeeze them all the way? Lame. I had to stand outside in the cold for like 10 minutes the other day trying to fill up my car.

6. Please, please, please...for the love of God, get rid of all those stupid car shaped grocery carts. I know you think you're being helpful to mothers, but quite frankly, it's a pain in the ass. They never push right. You can't fit as much in them. They have a ridiculous turning radius. Don't even get me started on parallel parking. And dear Lord, when was the last time those things were cleaned. I have to spray Mads down with a pressure washer when I get home. Blah. Not helpful. They should all be removed and recycled into something useful, like those new plasticky candy wrappers.

That is all.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Bat Out of Hell

This song makes me think of Patrick. I don't really need to say anymore, do I?

From the fracked up mind of....Moi.

Since I don't have a fb account anymore, and therefore, no place to write down all the useless crap I think about during the day, I'm gonna have to do it here. So, here it goes...

One...What happened to the good ol' fashioned candy bar wrappers? A piece of cheap paper covering a super thin piece of cheap aluminum foil. Easy to get into. Easy to wrap back up for later usage. These new wrappers are a pain in the ass, almost plasticky. It took me almost 2 minutes to get into a Kit Kat bar earlier. Seriously, if I wanted to work that hard I'd be exercising instead of stuffing a candy bar down my gullet.

Two...Why can't they make a nice in between softness tissue. The lotion ones are gooey. No likey. The plain ones are to scratchy. My nose hurts and I'm not happy about. I'm a blower (he he) not a wiper, so there is no reason the skin should be peeling off my nose.

Three...Is it possible for mold to grow on poo while it's still in your body? Just curious. Don't ask any personal questions.

Four...I have a really hard time believing that 12 double rolls really equals 24 single rolls. I'm sorry. But I feel like I'm being cheated. I know the math adds up. But I never use to run out of toilet paper and now I do all the time. I actually took a roll from the church bathroom two weeks ago. One of those giant ones. It was awesome. Don't judge me. I pay tithing.

Five...I have learned that if you want a man to answer something important through text you shouldn't send another one until he does. Otherwise, they will convienently "forget" to answer the important one. OR...they just ignore it all together. Lame. I wouldn't have asked the question if I didn't want an answer.

Six...I hate men who refer to spending time with their own children as 'babysitting'. It's parenting you fucktard.

Hmmm...I think that's all for now. Here's a song.