Friday, February 21, 2014

My Super Late Valentines Day Post

I don't know how it happened, but once again it's been several months since I've blogged.  I actually may have forgotten that I had a blog for a minute.  In my forgetfulness I missed my annual "Things I don't want for Valentines Day" post.  Since I don't have to worry about not getting any of those things I thought I'd do something a little different. I'm going to share my thoughts on love.  I know how you like it when I share.

There's a lot of heartache and loneliness in the world.  I think we all feel it in one way or another.  You see a lot of it around this time of year from both people who are single and from people who are not. Pining for someone to just show them some attention.  And my thoughts are not directed at anyone, they are just that, thoughts.  One thing I noticed this past Valentines is that the holiday seems to be directed toward woman.  And it isn't just Valentines.  It's anniversaries, birthdays etc...  When did that happen?  When did it become a one way street?  That men are expected to go out and buy flowers and chocolate and underwear to give to women and we just sit there with our hands out.  Doesn't love involve two people?  Don't anniversaries usually celebrate the joining of two people together?  So why do we sit there and expect something and get all butt hurt if nothing comes when we didn't get off our lazy butts and do anything for the person we supposedly love either?

That's not really my point I just wanted to say it because well...I wanted to, that's why.

Here's my point...I don't believe in falling in love.  I believe in attraction and common interests and enjoying someones company.  But I believe that at some point you make a choice that you are going to love a person and commit yourself to that choice.  Then you begin down a long line of other choices that directs your life from that point.  Am I going to marry this person?  Am I going to have a family with this person?  Etc...  Sometimes all the choices come easily and you move down the line.  Sometimes they don't.  Sometimes you back track.  Sometimes you realize that you made a wrong choice and then you have to decide how to correct it.  I think that people who stay together for the long haul are confident about that first choice and then stay committed to it NO MATTER WHAT.  

And no matter how awesome you think you are, I guarantee there is something about you that drives the person who has made the choice to love you crazy.  But being able to look back at that first choice with confidence makes all the difference in the world.  There is never a "what if" in that scenario.

And that leads me to my song...  When you're done with all the sappy love songs with promises of never ending romance, fireplaces, wine and beds full of rose petals and want something that applies to real life then give this one a listen.  "I'm coming home to you every night.  My mind is made up.  Nothing can change that.  I'm coming home to you."

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

You Did What???????

I'm sure you've all heard people say that becoming a parent changes your life.  Now that is true, but I believe becoming a parent really changes you at your very core and then YOU change your life to accommodate for these changes in yourself.  I'm not just talking about things like going to bed at 7:30 because you know you're going to be waking up every two hours for the next 10 and that's the only way you won't be a complete zombie the next day. Or cutting back on salt because you want to live a little bit longer now that you're a parent.  Or watching your language because you don't want your kindergartner showing off their awesome vocabulary to their teacher, and if you think for one second that they won't then you are an idiot.  It envelopes so much more than that.  So I've put together a small list of things that I have done since I became a mom that I didn't really think I would ever do.

1.  Eat other peoples leftovers.  A couple of bites of macaroni and cheese, pizza slices, triangles of cold grilled cheese sandwiches, pudding cups etc.  You name it...I've probably eaten a bite of it. All on the same day.  And called it my lunch.  For some reason, we don't mind making 14 different things for our kids to eat because heaven forfreakinbid they should all want the same thing on the same day, but making ourselves a sandwich is just too much work.

2.  Wipe someone elses butt.  Put a suppository in someone elses butt.  Look for a rash in someone elses butt.  Rub ointment in someone elses butt. Or anything else butt related .  You'll do it.  And feel like a fully accredited medical doctor while doing it.  You may even diagnose someone elses butt ailment then you will feel REALLY smart.

3.  Know what words like Rhinovirus, Rotovirus, Giardia, RSV, Fifths Disease, Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease, Croup and Scarlet Fever actually are AND how to treat them medically and homeopathically.  Once again making you feel like a fully accredited medical doctor.

4.  Locked myself in my bedroom and screamed...MOMMYS IN TIME OUT!!!!! At the top of my lungs.

5.  Locked myself in my bedroom while frantically searching for where the hell Patrick hid my peppermint bark from last Christmas because I need it right freakin now or else someone may have to die.

6.  Said I had to poop when I really didn't have too and yelled things like..."Oh man...this is bad." or "I feel sorry for whoever has to come in here next." just to keep people away from the door.

7.  Walked into an Albertsons, bought some groceries, came back out and realized that I left my car running the whole time.  Thank goodness that didn't happen in West Valley.

8.  Pulled into a parking stall and hit the pole separating the ridiculously close parking stalls at the back door of my car.  Instead of  backing out of the stall and readjusting and pulling back in, I got out of my car, walked to the back and tried to lift the back end and move it around so I could pull in straight.

(7 and 8 are what waking up every 2 hours for 6 months straight will do to you.)

9.  Knocked on the door of the apartment above me and asked the people to please have sex later because my baby is sleeping below them and it's really weirding me out that they are having sex so close to him. ( Just an FYI...If you do this, they will call you mean names, slam the door in your face and report you to the apartment manager.)

10.  Go to concerts (The Wiggles), movies (The Spongebob Movie), and listen to music (Beiber),that in most cases having all your fingernails pulled out with pliers would be higher on your list of things to do, and be happy to do it because it makes your kids so freaking happy that you are doing it with them that you can't help but be happy too.

11.  Cooked up a can of green beans to serve with a happy meal so my kids can have a "healthy" meal.

12.  Consider splashing water on my face and eating a squirt of toothpaste "cleaning up" for the day.

13.  Smelled the crotch of a pair of sweatpants, consider their condition by the smell then put them bad boys back on.

14.  Worn Elmo slippers willingly.

15.  Sat in a shirt covered in someone elses vomit because for the first time in two days they finally fell asleep and I know if I move to change it will wake them up.

16.  Loved someone so much that the idea of throwing myself in front of a bus to save them doesn't even make me blink.

These are just a few things that I've done that I never thought I would do.  Many of them I hope that now that my kids are a bit older I never, ever, ever for the love of all that's good and holy ever have to do again.  But if I had to, I would and feel like a fully accredited medical doctor doing it.

Friday, September 6, 2013


As a parent you hear all these stories and read all these studies about how having a healthy attachment to your children affects them.  But no one ever really talks about how that attachment affects the parent.  My Maddi started full day school this year, and I have to say that I am not handling it well.  It's not that I love her more than my other kids.  I had a hard time when they left too.  I think the main difference is that up until now I always had another one at home.  She is the last and I am very lonely with her gone.  The fact that several nights they go to their dads and I don't get to see any of them at all just exacerbates the problem.

I spoke to so many people who said I would get used to it and love the time.  Well, it's been two months and I'm not used to it.  On that same topic, it's been two years since we started trading time between parents and I'm not used to that.  Maybe it's because I'm a mom.  It's all I really know how to be.  My job is to take care of my kids and now I have 8 hours with no one to take care of.  It's hard.

Maddi and I had a routine for about a year.  We came home from  school at around lunch time, did homework, made lunch then laid in my bed and watched Wreck It Ralph.  You would think I would get sick of it, but since we were coming off our Swan Princess run; I was grateful for the change.  We would eat lunch and cuddle and tickle and laugh.  And it was fun.  And I miss it tons.  So now I play this song on repeat and dance around my house and miss my munchkin when she goes to school.  On the bright side, I'm sure I'm burning calories and releasing endorphins.

PS...Maddi is going to be Vanelope Von Schweets for Halloween.  Guess who's going to be Wreck It Ralph.  :)

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Happiness Is A Choice

Once upon a time I used to blog and then my kids started summer vacation and I was lucky to have time to shower. Now they are back in school and I have cleaned my house, ran and showered so I figured I might as well say a little something. About a month ago I bought this little sign for my house that says Happiness Is A Choice. I bought it mainly because I thought it was bull and Patrick and I have fun laughing at things that are bull. There are so many external factors that interfere with our happiness on a daily basis how could it possibly be a choice of our own. First and foremost in the external factor category is the stupidity of people that we wish we could avoid but for one reason or another we just can't. Peoples choices are like that whole butterfly effect thing...only actually real not like a crappy Ashton Kutcher movie. Sometimes it's inadvertent but there are those times when people just want to be asshats, and their choices and actions trickle down into your realm and mess stuff up.

 Before I begin on my real rant I just want to say...Don't do that. It's mean and makes you a big, fat jerk. But if that's how you are then the point is probably to be mean and these words are lost on you. So I'll say this instead...If you are mean and trying to be a big, fat jerk at least own it. Don't pretend to be a good person when you obviously aren't.

 Now back to the point...Over the last few weeks I've been doing a little self experiment and it goes like this. When I wake up in the morning I list 10 things that I am grateful for or make me happy. They don't have to be different every day. And they don't have to be big things. Sometimes I'm grateful I remembered to run the dishwasher so I didn't have to wash bowls for the kids breakfast. That's step one. Step two...exercise. I know it's stupid but I always feel better when I exercise. I'm a bit self loathing and this shows that I am at least making an attempt at a better, healthier me. And it gives me time to just zone out for an hour before I have to get on with the real world. Step 3...If something comes up during the day take 5 minutes before giving any type of response. This gives you a chance to be more careful in your words or actions towards someone else, or if it's just a mental thing to calm down and put it in perspective. A few weeks ago my mom put this on my facebook wall.

It's kind of what started this whole thing. I am the type of person that will sit and stress over a thousand different outcomes to one scenario without taking into account that 999 won't even happen and I shouldn't be wasting the time and energy stressing about it. I know that there are a lot of people like me who waste a lot of time with unnecessary stressing. So, I saw this thing from my mom and then a day or so later I saw a quote in a photoshop discussion forum that said "Happy people aren't grateful. Grateful people are happy." I decided to put these two ideas together and see if happiness really is a choice separate from all the crap we have to deal with from other people. And my personal conclusion is that it really is. When I spend time everyday focusing on the things in my life that I am grateful for instead of stressing over unimportant (and sometimes important but shouldn't be all consuming) crap, I am much happier and therefore my family is much happier. I spent a lot of years having guilt for doing anything for myself. As a women we are taught that our families come first. Our husbands, kids, home and any other responsibilities we have take precedence over ourselves. One thing that I have realized in doing my experiment is that all of things I just listed make me who I am. I wouldn't be me without my husband and kids and friends. So choosing to take time to better yourself benefits them almost as much as it does you. So I'm not going to have guilt when I take a nap after I spend 5 hours cleaning carpet or get a pedicure because it makes me feel pretty because those things make me happy. And I choose to be happy.

it's been too long.

Here's a news flash...

I can be bitchy. I know, I know... hard to believe. It's true, though.

Acceptance is the first step, peeps.

I met a boy a while ago. Ok, a long while ago. He's the only boy who ever really impacted my life(well, there was that one boy who broke my heart that one time- but it was only one time).  I was the kind of girl who thought she was too good for guys. I wasn't going to let them bring me down. I knew what they wanted and they weren't getting it from me. So you can imagine, when I met the boy that did things to my heart, I freaked out.  I wasn't even very nice to him. I'm embarrassed about it now, but I'm a spicy girl and you gotta earn the inner circle with me. Especially if you're a boy. Stacy can testify. He's got a heart of gold and he passed all the tests. He was the best decision I ever made. And that amazing decision has lead to a million amazing blessings. I'm a grateful girl.

I never listen to the radio, but I heard this song in the car, and it is perfect. I love how music can say what I never can.

Mikey, I'm still into you, and I will be forever and ever. You have my whole heart.

Somethings just make sense, and one of those is you and I.

P.S. I kinda dig her hair. And I wanna fill the living room with balloons and have a boat ride. We can put the kids to bed early. It'll be fun.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Goodness Matters Part One

A few months ago I took up residence with a "realist".  Now, that's not a bad thing.  It's actually a very good thing.  I, however, am not a realist.  I'm the exact opposite of realist.  I'm a fantasylandist.  Or whatever the technical word is for that.  I like to believe that most people, there are the exceptions, but most people are innately good.  That although we do stupid things from time to time it isn't our intention to leave our blinker on for 10 miles annoying the person behind us.  Even though it isn't our intention, we are busy and sometimes self serving.  So, I had an idea and I collaborated with Layne and she agreed that I'm basically a genius.  I have decided to put together a list of things that us normal people can do to help counteract what the stupid people do that annoy us normal people.  A pay it forward sort of thing, but not really.   So here it goes...


1.  Layne introduced the "blowing kisses for middle fingers" campaign a few months ago and I think it's a keeper.  It's spreading the love people.  And I've noticed two outcomes from this.  One...people think you're silly and smile after you do it or makes them wicked mad and you better be in a position to make a quick escape.  I would also not suggest doing this to someone who could seriously mess you up if they wanted to.  Just sayin...

2.  I think everyone should keep a bag of small wrapped candy in their car at all times.  Like Starburst or Dum Dums.  Why?  Whenever you are in a school zone and there are a bunch of kids out there you can throw them candy.  Like a parade.  And as a bonus if you wear a tiara and do the wave you can feel like Miss America in your own personal one car parade.  Just be careful you don't hit the crossing guard.  They don't like that.

3.  When you're stopped in a construction site roll down your window and tell the poor workers out there in the freaking heat doing that horrific job thank you.  I bet they just get yelled and honked at most of the time.  I think that would make me cry if people were always yelling and honking at me.


I feel that in the spirit of fairness I need to disclose that I absolutely refuse to use public restrooms in even the cleanest of establishments unless the situation is dire.  And by dire I mean I have goosebumps from having to poop really bad. Or that one time I watched all three Lord Of The Rings movies in the theater and drank like 70 ounces of Diet Coke.  But anyway...

1.  Using your foot that is inside a sock and inside a shoe, a steel toe boot if possible, and without looking, go into each stall and flush all the toilets.  There is nothing worse than walking into a stall and seeing some strangers stuff.  I know people like to blame it all on kids, but I've been in establishments that don't allow kids and seen other peoples stuff.  

2.  On a personal note follow the old poem..."If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat."  I get it.  Really.  From one hoverer to the next...sometimes your stream strays.  Wipe that stuff up.  It's not that hard.

3.  Wipe out your sink and the surrounding counter top so that the next person who comes in to wash their hands doesn't soak the front of their shirt reaching for the soap dispenser.

4.  If you're in a restroom with one of those super powerful Dyson dryers with a friend, tell them you'll give them a dollar if they sit on it.  Trust me.  It'll make your day better.


1.  Always say "sammich" at fast food restaurants.  Always.  

2.  Always say "please" and "thank you".  They hate their jobs.  They don't need you being rude.

3.  It's not their fault that they have to ask you for your email and phone number and what color your underwear are.  It's their job, and we've already established that they hate their jobs.  Just graciously decline.

4.  Always take your feminine hygiene products through a teenage boys line.  They love that crap.

5.  Always take condoms through an old ladies line.  They love that crap.  


1.  Never park in the "Stork Parking" stalls just because you've put on a few pounds.  It probably wouldn't kill you to walk a little farther anyway.

2.  Always put your cart in the cart corral.  

3.  Don't ignore little kids who are obviously panicked because they have lost their parents in Target.  

4.  If a frazzled mom is in front of you in line, make funny faces at her kids.  Or tell them Laffy Taffy jokes.  Believe me, being able to run your debit card and enter your pin without worrying about your kids running out the door is HUGE. 

5.  Tell people if they have crap in their teeth.  Or if they have tucked their dress into their underwear.  Or if they have tp on their shoe.  They want to know.

I think that's a good start.  This will be a recurring theme as Layne and I think of other things that would make our world way more awesome to live in.  So go out there and flush some toilets and have a fabulous day.

Friday, May 24, 2013

How Music Has Made Me A Better Parent.

Several months ago I was going somewhere with the girls, I can't remember where, and we were listening to John Lennon on my IPod.  About halfway through the song 'Imagine' Lilly asked me what it was about, so I explained to her that it was about peace and loving everyone and that if we removed all the "stuff" that we deem as important in our lives we would see that we are all the same and maybe we'd be able to get along.  I explained to her that it was about hope.  A couple minutes later I looked over and she was crying.  I asked her if she was okay and she said..."Yes.  I just wish this is what our world was really like."

Ever since that day whenever we are in the car together she asks me what songs mean and I do my best to explain to her what I think they mean.  Sometimes they are meaningful, and other times she shares my sentiment that a song is really stupid.  Like that where have you been all my li i i ife song...Just dumb.  But anyway,  I love that we can share that time together because music is important to me and I'm glad that it is to her as well.  Actually all my kids are music buffs.  They all have their own tastes, and they are all very "passionate" about what they think is the best.

I was thinking the other day about my love for music and how it has been a part of my parenting.  We always  have music on in our home.  There was a time when I thought it was super hilarious to blast Welcome To The Jungle as loud as it would go to wake the kids up in the morning.  They didn't think it was nearly as funny as I did, but a mom has to get her giggles in some how. It also makes me super proud that my kids know who Queen, The Who and Van Halen are. So I thought it would be kind of fun to give a run down of some of the ways that music has helped me to be a better parent.

First, sometimes songs just embody a sentiment much more than you can as a mere emotional mortal.  When I think about how I feel about my kids there is only one that comes to mind.  When my kids are feeling down I just want them to listen to this song until they feel better. I want them to understand that no matter what I will always stand up for them and that I will always love them!!!

And I want them to head bang through the chorus.

Second,  being a music lover has made me a translator.  How, you ask?  I'll show you

The Woo-Hoo song = The Walk of Life, Dire Straits
The Sun Goes Down song = Glad You Came, The Wanted
Oh Number One = Only The Young, Brandon Flowers
The Chipmunk Song = Sleepyhead, Passion Pit
Smile Like You'll Eat It = Smile Like You Mean It, The Killers
That one song with the piano that I like = This Ain't Goodbye, Train

You get the idea...

Third, being a music lover has taught me maturity and restraint.  Instead of singing..."If I ever did that, I think I'd have a fart attack."  and totally offend my girls who love that song,  I sing it right out loud, but wrong in my head and then silently laugh to myself.  As a side note, fart can be changed for heart in any pop song and still make total sense.  You should try it sometime.  (E.g... I'm only gonna break, break a break break a fart.)

Going along with number three but in a positive direction, sometimes changing the words to songs is super fun and appropriate and won't offend anyone.  Like when potty training it's 100% appropriate to sing "My girl has to potty all the time, potty all the time, potty all the time."

 Or..."Maddi Joooooooo...she's a vegetarian, Maddi Jo, Maddi Jo."  When you're just trying to make your kids smile.

I started singing this song to Maddi on the way home from the hospital the day she was born and almost 6  years later I still sing it to her.  Sometime I change it to veterinarian or Presbyterian just to mix it up a bit.

Fourth, being a music lover has taught me patience.  When I flip through the channels and hear the same song on 7 different channels and the kids insist we stop and listen to however much of the song is left on every single channel;  I smile and sing along.  It's the only way people.  Don't try to fight it.  Just know in a few short weeks Rihanna will release a new song and you'll only hear that one incessantly for the next few weeks.

Fifth,  your kids like it when you show interest in the things they love.  So, I know all the words to every One Direction, Bieber, Hot Chelle Rae out there.  And I sing along with them all.  Sometimes I don't even do it on purpose.  Also,  it's important to understand that even though Harry gets all the attention, Zane is really the talented one and WAAAAAY hotter too.  Just sayin...that kind of info will keep you in good with the 2nd graders.  And you should probably turn a blind eye when you see your kindergartner kissing her Bieber poster.  Don't even act like you didn't do the same thing to Jordan Knight when he was hanging on your wall.

So,  these are just a few areas where music has helped me in my parenting.  Music is it's own language and sometimes it's much easier to express how we feel using it.  On that note,  I leave you with this...