Cause...

I just had too. Mands posted this on my facebook wall this morning to remind me of all the fun we had in Vegas. And all the fun we are about to have in about a week again. I couldn't resist sharing. I love Pink and Adam Lambert. And it's so friggin' awesome. Ima be listening to this bad boy on repeat all damn day. Hearing it gave me my first smile of the day. Granted I spent my morning getting shot in the eye with grapefruit juice and smearing slimy seeds all over a scooby doo chia pet.

Another Year Gone

As we close out another year it's hard not to reflect on the things that have happened during it. Quite frankly, I had a pretty craptastic year. Of course there were good times mingled in but it seems that most of my year was filled with heartache. But one thing that I have learned, and maybe it's a learned behavior and not innate, but we can choose the memories we wish to keep with us.

I spent a lot of that year trying to get someone to return the love and devotion I gave to them. I learned that you can't do that. You can't force someone to do something that they are unwilling to do no matter how right it may feel. I began to look at it as a reflection of myself and whether I was worthy to receive what I was so willing to give. It pushed me into a really dark place for a long time. I was alone and had become a terrible mother because I was so wrapped up in myself that I couldn't focus on my kids. One day my 3 year old, Maddi, asked me if I was ever going to stop being sad and smile again. It was at that point that I realized it was time to pull myself back up. To be a good mother to my kids and be there for my friends who needed me. And it was at this point that I realized that I had only been focusing on the negative aspects of that relationship. That there were so many good things that I could smile about. Like having to be fed sushi the first time I ever ate it because I couldn't use the chopsticks. I still can't. I eat it with a fork. And watching old movies. And laughing at nothing for hours. These are the memories I choose to keep. It still makes me sad because of the amazing friendship that was lost, but at least now I can smile too. And mainly I smile because of the depth of love that I feel for this person still, no matter how bad things went, that will never change. Ever.

Luckily for me, I had a couple of saviors in my life. Some dear friends that came to my rescue. Who gave me good advice, and let me cry on their laps, and listened to the same things over and over again while I tried to work things out in my head, and let me come stay at their houses so that I could lay in the sun like a lizard, and took me on trips and to concerts to help me remember that I still had life in me. And I have a lot of it. And then the one that showed me how to love again. And that I was good at it and deserved it in return.

I have a couple of New Years resolutions. The first is to stop eating so much cheese. At least until I get that villa in France. The second is to go to a concert every single month. Unless all the bands suck. The third is too believe in myself more. And to not compare everything I do now with what has happened in the past. And the fourth is to stay focused on the good in my life now. I don't know how things are going to turn out. None of us do. But I'm going to make the most of what I have.

So here is my song choice to end the year with. Dashboard Confessional, my third all time favorite band who I am seeing on January 11th In The Venue and then I will have seen all three of my favorite bands in concert , Belle of the Boulevard. Now, I'm no Belle by any means. Although I can sing all the words to Little Town from Beauty and the Beast. But this song makes me feel good. It gives me hope. No more tears. Please hold on, It's alright.

Don't turn away
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Don't be afraid
Or keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard
For the Belle of the Boulevard

Holla, bitches!

My sister has interesting friends.

a lot of them.

I was fortunate enough to spend part of my Christmas celebration with a couple of drag queens.

Which reminds me of a really great joke...

"what do the mormon, the catholic and the drag queen have in common?"


Yeah... um.....I'm not sure yet, but I might be able to tell you later on tonight.

OK, so it wasn't actually funny. kill me.

This has been the most uh, educational holiday in quite a long time. I happen to be very girly, but there is a queen here that makes me look butch. He did compliment my bosoms though. At least he has good taste. Cuz I got a smokin' hot rack.


So in honor of my new friends... I present to you..... Salt & Pepa. Do not hate.


oooooooohhhhhhh yeeeeaaaaahhhhhhh babe.

Just some random thoughts this holiday season...

One of my favorite Christmas songs is Tonight is Christmas by Alabama. If you look over my last few posts I have a lot of favorite Christmas songs. Deal with it. I like Christmas music. Anyway...The chorus says...Tonight is Christmas. Tonight is Love. Tonight we celebrate Gods one and only son. Tonight there's hope for peace on earth eternally. Tonight is Christmas and the worlds in harmony. I love this for two reasons. The first is hope. I think we all lose that over and over again. Life hands us so many trials and tribulations that sometimes we lose faith in ourselves and what we can do. I know I do. Sometimes I feel like I can't do anything right. And a lot of days I don't. But then there are those days when I do. Even if it's just making someone laugh. Or just feel comforted for a moment. We seem to forget the innate goodness that we possess while dealing with day to day life. But every once in a while someone comes along and reminds you of the potential that you have for good. I hope everyone finds that person at some time in there life. The second is that no matter where you come from or what you believe or how much money you make, or don't. There is a feeling of peace and harmony on Christmas. I think we all know that it's a sacred night. And even if it's not for you, there's a certain respect that is silently spoken for those that do. I love that feeling.

My next random thought is why would anyone buy a car with black plastic door handles? It looks so cheap. They should all match the color of the car.

Why do people come into your life at certain times and not others? It can't all just be random. Everyone has different gifts. Are we guided to each other to share what we have when they or we need it? I'm curious.

I would also like to add Kenny G, Michael Bolton and Aaron Neville to my house dropping list.


I want to tell all my brothers how much I love them and how proud I am of all of them. I have the best baby bros in all the land.

Frozen pie is just wrong. And it's true however you choose to interpret that.

Okay...that's all.

Happy Christmas!

Sorry...

It has been brought to my attention, by a concerned reader, that I have made an error. An over sight so egregious, a blind man could see it. I just don't know what to say. I have no excuse other than I was just so damaged from my fetal position in front of a Justin Beiber display sucking my thumb and calling for Mama incident that.... Well, theres just no excuse.

I hate them. I've always hated them. I've mocked people who like them. I won't even let you finish a sentence with their name in it because I have lost all respect for you and am convinced you are a dumb ass. Nothing intelligent can come from people who kill their brain cells willingly by listening to the garbage they call music.


So, the number one group of douches I'd like to drop a house on and I don't even want their damn shoes.... Nickelback.

Diet Pepsi, Muscle Memory and Pop Rocks

These are amongst a number of things that make me happy. Earlier I put a Diet Pepsi in the freezer and I forgot about it. So, when I pulled it out to drink it, it had all these little ice crystals in it and was freezing cold. It was delicious. Happy.

Then I decided to stop being a loser and get prepped on the piano. It is the season of song after all. It was a little sketchy at first, but then I just closed my eyes and did my thing and it all came rushing back. Happier.

And finally, Mads picked out some pop rocks at the gas station when we were there earlier today. I hadn't had those things since I was probably her age. So, we laid on our backs on the living room floor with our mouths open laughing hysterically at how friggin' hilarious we are. Happiest.

Today is good. :)

Some People I'd like to drop a house on...

1. Justin Beiber. Not that this requires any explanation, BUT I was in Toys R Us and someone had pushed all the buttons on every Justin Beiber doll in the entire aisle, and well, when I was done convulsing on the floor from his seizurific chipmunk voice times 75, I decided he needed to die.

2. Bruce Lindsay. The dude from channel 5 news. Quite frankly, I'm still annoyed by how he used to say Nagano during the Japan Olympics.

3. Paula Deen. Her teeth are too white. It's unnatural.

4. The creator of Max and Ruby. I don't know, maybe things are different in the rabbit kingdom, but why do they live alone with no parents. And that's a lot of responsibility for a big sister. And Max has an attitude. And Mads loves that dumb ass show and watches it 50 times a day and now she acts like Max and just walks around saying "Hungry" all the time.

5. John Mayer. Who the hell do you think you are? Your face is weird looking. All these women are crazy for being all heart broken over you. Ass hat.

6. Cameron Diaz. Really? Do I need to explain? She's annoying. Also, I would totally steal the shoes sticking out from under the house.

7. My Chin. I'm pretty sure it's the only way to get rid of this zit.

8. The person who pushed all the buttons on the Justin Beiber dolls in Toys R Us. I don't know who you are, but it takes a sick sadistic person to do something like that.

9. All the models in the Kiss Me ads I get on facebook. I hate you and your airbrushed bodies.

10. Alex Ovechkin. You're a tool.

Okay...I'm feeling pretty good about todays list.

This is how I'm feeling today...

You know what really sucks? Spending years of your life trying to convince yourself that you are independent and self reliant and confident and realizing that you are completely full of shit and that you basically can't survive without the constant validation of other people. Whether it be praise for things you do or how you look or, well, basically any kind word will suffice. But the sad thing is that we never trust the sincerity of people when they do have something good to say. How could they possibly see something that we don't see. We live with ourselves everyday, after all. And what a burden that is to the people around you. It's tiring and life sucking. And eventually they are going pull away or you are going to have guilt for doing it so you push them away and then you end up where you started. Alone. Trying to convince yourself that you can make it without people. It's such a vicious cycle.

Depression is such a debilitating, horrible disease. Especially to a person who normally loves life. And people. Because instead of seeking out things to make us happy, we do the opposite. We internalize and pull away. We say things that we don't mean to push people away. And sadly, most of the time, it works. And the people we care about the most...leave. You feel like an emotional basket case. And you don't know what to expect of yourself and others. Your emotions are constantly in limbo from one extreme to the other. There's no happy medium. And you don't know how to stop it from happening. You wake up one morning and it's just there. You lose faith in everything that is important to you and, frankly, you just don't care. There's no joy. Only darkness. And emptiness. And loneliness.

And that's all. Just alone.

My Christmas Wish

It has become apparent to me that Christmas just isn't what it used to be. I'm usually a jolly little elf this time of year and have even found myself struggling with my own Christmas spirit. But I've decided to take a stand for Christmas and those that want to believe.

We always had great Christmases at my house growing up. My mom was the master Christmas decorator. She used to roll around on the roof all by herself putting up our Christmas lights. It was pretty funny to watch, but she did it. Because she loves this season. We would make crafts and bake and take goodies to our neighbors. One of my favorite things to do with her was at night after the boys all went to sleep, we would turn off all the lights in the house and her and I would sit in front of Christmas tree and listen to Christmas music together. I think that started my love for Christmas music. John Denver, Alabama, Kenny Rogers, Jim Reeves, MoTab and all the classics, of course. They all hold special memories for me. Then we'd try to guess what our presents were. She used to annoy me cause she could look at a perfectly square box and know exactly what was inside. And I'd try to figure out which one was the box of tampons that Tim wrapped up for me every year. Normally, it was funny except the one year when I actually needed them and didn't know which gift it was under the tree.

Even with all the fun stuff, we never forgot what the season was supposed to be about. That's why I still get choked up when I hear Harry Belafonte sing Marys Boy Child. Or C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S by Jim Reeves. And it makes me so sad that there are so many who don't have this to give the season meaning. Of course, it's hard to be happy at a season that means nothing anymore but hustle and bustle. It's hard to smile and be polite to the check out girl when all you're thinking about is what you have left to buy. It's hard to spread tiding of joy when the snow is ruining your Italian leather shoes. And it's hard to believe that the people who ARE doing these things are sincere when they treat you like crap the other eleven months of the year.

So, here is my thought for the holiday season. Don't worry about everyone else. Focus on the people that you love and the joy and happiness that they bring into your life. Stop worrying about what's not being done, and do something yourself. Find something or someone to believe in. It will make this season far brighter.

May your days be merry and bright. Happy Christmas.

More Bad Boy Ballads...

Heretofore known as "The Soundtrack To My Broken, Brittle Heart."

I was always the girl who dumped people. I was dating a guy and then all the sudden he ran away with my best friend who also slept with my brother, but I digress. Anyway... After I got rid of that idiot, there was this beautiful boy that asked me to dance, and for the next several months we were inseparable. Our song was "To Be With You" by Mr. Big. He requested it to be played especially for me when he asked me out. He was big, strong, and drenched in Drakkar.

Then he broke my heart.

I have only had my heart broken the one time. That was plenty. After that, I never let anyone in until I met my husband (and he proved himself). I was in love. He was sweet and kind and thoughtful. He made me a mixed tape with some really awesome tearjerkers. I'm not sure you ever really get over your first heart ache... You heal, you go on and eventually you even love again... but there's a fracture there that I'm not sure ever fully heals. Pain like that changes you, and not always for the better.

I prefer to use pain to make me stronger, but I still have an achy feeling when I hear certain songs. So naturally, Ima play them now. Enjoy.

I have a confession to make...

I hate thongs. Does that make me less of a women? I sure hope not because there are few things on this planet that I really hate. Thongs are number one. People who wear pantyhose with sandals or open toed shoes pulls a close second. But that's a whole different post. Today I would like to express my disdain for things in my crack.

First off, I'm a picker. If I have a zit, I'm gonna pop it. If I have something in my teeth, I'm gonna floss. And if there is something in my ass, I'm sure as hell gonna pull it out. So to save myself from constantly digging in my crack and having people think I have the 'roids. I don't wear them.

Second, if you ask people why they wear a thong you generally get two answers. The first is 'it makes me feel sexy'. Well guess what. I've pushed four babies out of my vagina and I have the stretch marks and chicken skin to prove it. Ain't no way a string in my ass crack is ever going to make me feel sexy. Sorry. Not happening. And the second is 'this way you don't have panty lines'. Here's a thought...Wear clothes that fit. That is all.

Third, I did at one point try the thong. My girlfriend who is a runner, like myself, swore that they were the best thing to wear on a long run. So I tried it. And here's what happened. The day after the run my ass was wicked sore. So, I did what any normal girl would have done and I dropped my drawers, bent over, and spread em in front of my mirror. To my surprise, My inner bum lining was all raw and chafed. So of course, my inner hypochondriac kicked in and I immediately got on Web MD to decipher what horrible disease I had when I realized what the culprit was. That wicked piece of cloth, that probably had been a fashion design error to begin with, had rubbed all the mucous membrane right off my sensitive little cheeks. So, after a weeks worth of vaseline applications and painful trips to the pooper, I made a vow. Never again!!! Never will I submit myself to discomfort, excessive picking and eventual chafing again. Unless, it's on an incredible piece of lingerie that is going to hit the bedroom floor in 2.5 seconds anyway.

I know that there are many women out there who are afraid to speak out against the thong. I say to you...DO NOT BE OPPRESSED ANYMORE!!! Wear your boy shorts and hot pants and bikinis, and in SOME peoples cases, double baggers with pride.

Unless you can really work it like this lady. Cause then you're just doing yourself and the people of America a disservice by not letting it all hang out. :)

Because I love you.

"I love hair ballads. I don't care if they're out dated and lame. I still get all choked up when I hear Every Rose Has It's Thorn. Men with that fantastic of hair showing there soft sides, it's, well, just hot. That is all."












There ya go... put the heater on 95 degrees (cuz you're a wimp), turn up the music and flash away, baby. Please just make sure there are no hispanic men in your backyard this time. Please.

Random Thoughts by Moi...

I usually like my blog posts to revolve around a theme. I don't have one today. Just some random thoughts that I've been kicking around and things I've noticed about myself.

First, I don't know what it is about baby things that make me all googly. I would shoot myself in the face if I ever got pregnant again, but the sight of little baby moccasins makes my insides mush. I've always loved kids. Even as I've gotten older, most people start to lose patience and get annoyed with other peoples crying kids. My first instinct is too pick them up and figure out what's wrong. I hate that our society is such that I would probably get a smack down from some stores security or a crazy momma thinking I was trying to rip off her kid. It's not right that we have to stop and think about repercussions before doing something kind.

Second, I really really want to try fake eyelashes. But I have an eye thing and I'm really worried that I'll have an allergic reaction to the glue and my eyes will puff up and then I'll get chlamydia of the eye and go blind.

Third, If you ever feel grumpy and old, you should skip. It's super fun and makes you feel young.

Fourth, At some point in my life I want to 1. Throw a beret off the top of Eiffel Tower. 2. Go to Graceland. 3. Show my boobs at a Motley Crue concert. And, 4. Go ice skating at Rockefeller Center. Also, I would like to see Brett Michaels get his self respect back. That would be really awesome.

Fifth, I love hair ballads. I don't care if they're out dated and lame. I still get all choked up when I hear Every Rose Has It's Thorn. Men with that fantastic of hair showing there soft sides, it's, well, just hot. That is all.

Sixth, I'm really cheap. When did that happen? I look at prices and think I can get six shirts for this price at Ross. I'm a shopper. That's not supposed to happen. I'm not supposed to care. If it makes your butt and boobs look good, you buy it. That's the rule. Also, I looked at the top ten movies of 2010, most of them I hadn't seen, but the ones I had I waited until they were in the redbox before I saw them. And I sneak wal mart $1 boxes of candy into the theater in my gigantic purse. Cheap I tell you. Except when it comes to Peanut Butter. And ketchup. Generic ketchup is just gross.


Seventh, I hate it when people have to photo shop all their pictures before letting anyone see them. That's how your face looks. Deal with it. And we all know you've whitened the hell out of your teeth. We have seen you in person after all.

Hmm...That seems to be all for now. I'm sure I'll think of more later.

Gary is a genius....And purdy too.

I was chatting with a friend earlier tonight and got on the subject of relationships. We are both in our thirties and were saying how sometimes we still feel like we're sixteen. I thought all the insecurities and jealousies and wondering went away when you were older and obviously more mature. But honestly, I think we have more life experience and a little bit more logic and that makes it worse. Instead of running on pure emotion, we question. We attach stereotypes and past experiences. We think logically about the negative and how things can't possibly work. And of course, we bring along all our ridiculous baggage and assume that nobody would in their right minds want to be a part of that.

So, I've decided that, just for a little while, I'm going to focus on the good part of feeling sixteen again. Enjoying the newness and being a part of something really amazing. Getting butterflies in your stomach whenever you touch. Not being able to wait til the next time you get to see each other. And being around someone that makes you smile so much that your face actually starts to hurt. It's really an amazing thing feeling sixteen again.



It's too bad sending a note that says "Do you love me? Check the box." Isn't really acceptable at 33.

It's your birfday...

Happy 29th Birthday plus 6 to my dear friend Layney. Love your face. You'll always be young too me. Well, except when you're so tired after a concert that you have to sleep the entire next day and I have to go shopping by myself. Then you're old. But other than that, you'll always be young. Have a great one.

Day Two...

This is one of my Christmas songs to sing in my round brush. Cause I'm cool like that.




Please remember...Country music is acceptable at Christmas. Thank you and have a nice day.

Day One...

I love Harry...





He makes me want to have lots and lots of sex.

My sweet boy

Fifteen years ago I married a cute boy. Four kids, three states, five houses, 2 kissing fish and a spastic yellow lab later.... he's still pretty cute.

Not to mention the fact that he can handle me. He's got mad skillz cuz I be crazy, yo.











And even though sometimes we totally wanna kill each other, we don't.



That is true love.