It's that time of year again. You know the one where we all make ridiculous goals that we never keep and end up feeling like crap about it later. This year I decided to only set one ridiculous goal and a bunch of achievable ones. This way at the end of the year I can feel totally successful in my endeavors. This is also the time of the year where I like to choose my theme song. Sometimes it's hard for me to pick one, but not this year. I already know it. It already makes me smile every time I hear it. Mainly because I have been thinking about these achievable goals for a bit now and I'm pretty excited for them. So...here they go...
I have been told over and over that I am a peacemaker. I think that when most people hear that their first reaction would be well that's a good thing. And it is for the most part. As long as bringing peace doesn't mean you back down from everything you know is right. Or say things to ease the blow. Or take all the burden on yourself so others won't have to face it. This is what I do. Instead of standing up and sometimes making other people angry, I back down. Every time. It never fails. I have literally kept myself awake at night thinking of something different to say other than what actually needs to be said so that someone won't be mad. I'm not doing that anymore. Sometimes crap happens. Sometimes people make a mistake. Sometimes people are deliberate jerk faces. Whatever it is it needs to be faced. And I'm not going to be scared anymore. If my apology isn't enough for you when I offer it, not my problem. If I'm a deliberate jerk face, then I should face the consequences of that as well. So achievable goal number one...stand up for myself and my actions.
I had a realization the other day while going through some old facebook statuses using the timeline feature...I'm funny. Like really funny. Over the last few years, because of stuff in my life, I've kind of lost that. I've been sad and angry and a bit bitter. I like funny me better. Yes, I've been through a lot of stuff, but I've had so many amazing wonderful things happen over the last year that the bad stuff seems pretty small at this point. I'm helping no one by being sad and angry so I'm done. For good. It's kind of a great feeling to let go and not look bad. So consider this a warning to you all...no one is safe from my sarcasm. No. One. Achievable goal number two...Stacys gonna get her funny back.
I have had so many changes happen over the last year that I've had a hard time getting back into a routine. I was just complaining to a friend today that I can never keep my house clean. And those of you who know me fairly well know that I like my house clean. I function much better that way. But for some reason, I just haven't been able to keep a handle on it since moving here in September. For a while, I was saying that I just realized that other things were more important than cleaning. And that is true to an extent. But like I said earlier, I function better in a clean house. I am a better mom when I'm not worrying about stuff I have to do because it's already done. I'm a better wife when I have a menu and a grocery list and I make the meals on that menu. Why? Because I like order. Achievable goal number three...I'm gonna get my house back in order. The way that it should be. With me walking around with my cape and tiara while vacuuming, folding laundry, making homemade bread, helping with homework, giving baths and balancing the national budget all at once. So actually...achievable goal number three...I'm gonna get my super mom back.
I've spent most of my life living for someone else. I'm a mom so that's expected and that's not going to change. What is going to change is how I view the things going on around me. I'm going to make a conscious effort to find the beauty and good things in my life. And no, this isn't my unachievable goal. I actually think this is going to be the easiest one of all. Why? Because I have a lot to be grateful for. I've been able to work out a lot of things over the last few months. I know Patrick gets irritated with me because he's always asking me what I'm thinking about and I always say nothing. So here's the answer to what I've been thinking about for the last few months. I'm a good person. I make mistakes. A lot of them. But that's okay because I have learned so much. I've learned how to listen. Really listen to what is important. Not all the fluff that people say to cover up their true intentions. I've learned how to laugh again. I remember how good that feels. To laugh so hard you start crying and can't stop. I've learned how to love again. Without holding anything back. To be completely vulnerable and not afraid of rejection. I've learned what it really means to be a friend. And to have a friend. That people who are your friends don't need your constant validation. Aren't easily offended because they know you and love you in spite of yourself. I've learned that even though it's hard and that there may be some residual fall back, cutting toxic people out of your love can be so freeing. I've learned that I don't have to respond to every accusation, lie or question of character that is thrown in my path. I've learned that this is my life. And the only person that I have to answer for or to is myself. I am the only one who can set my path and I'm the only one who is responsible for it so I need to live in a way that will make ME proud. If I do that the people that truly matter will be proud too. Achievable goal number four...Catch my breath.
Unachievable goal number one...be super excited to go to the gym every day. Eat a healthy diet. Lose all this stupid weight. Being super excited is the unachievable part. I'll do the other stuff, but you better believe I'll be complaining the entire time.
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