For me this blog is a place to express and work through my emotions. Yesterday, I was just trying to make sense of a situation that I just can't understand. Looking back over things that have happened to me over the last year and a half, I had an excessive amount of joy, but maybe it's because I wanted to see it that way. Maybe it wasn't really there. I don't know. I don't think I ever will. But sometimes, you need to realize that two points make a line not a pattern. And there is no need looking for hard to explain reasons when its so clear in front of you. When people have been saying this is what it is from day one and you just can't see it. Is it because I didn't want to believe it? Or was I really so foolish? I don't know the answer to that either.
I guess I am just one to see the best in people. To look beyond flaws and give of myself unconditionally. And I guess that makes me stupid to expect that I would be given the same in return.
Anyway...I was angry yesterday. But it didn't make me feel better. , Actually it made me feel worse because it goes against everything that I am. Which isn't all that great, but mean and vindictive are definitely not among my dominant qualities. And there's still that part of me that is holding on to the hope that the simple conclusion is not the real one. That my friends are wrong. That I'm not as big of a fool as I feel like right now. But I guess I'll never know that either.
As for now, I need to handle some other pressing things in my life. Unfortunately, I'm now doing those things alone. But I guess alone doesn't have to be so bad.
1 comment:
There may not be someone standing physically beside you right now but you aren't alone. A lot of people care about you and are behind you. <3
Post a Comment