Cause...

I just had too. Mands posted this on my facebook wall this morning to remind me of all the fun we had in Vegas. And all the fun we are about to have in about a week again. I couldn't resist sharing. I love Pink and Adam Lambert. And it's so friggin' awesome. Ima be listening to this bad boy on repeat all damn day. Hearing it gave me my first smile of the day. Granted I spent my morning getting shot in the eye with grapefruit juice and smearing slimy seeds all over a scooby doo chia pet.

Another Year Gone

As we close out another year it's hard not to reflect on the things that have happened during it. Quite frankly, I had a pretty craptastic year. Of course there were good times mingled in but it seems that most of my year was filled with heartache. But one thing that I have learned, and maybe it's a learned behavior and not innate, but we can choose the memories we wish to keep with us.

I spent a lot of that year trying to get someone to return the love and devotion I gave to them. I learned that you can't do that. You can't force someone to do something that they are unwilling to do no matter how right it may feel. I began to look at it as a reflection of myself and whether I was worthy to receive what I was so willing to give. It pushed me into a really dark place for a long time. I was alone and had become a terrible mother because I was so wrapped up in myself that I couldn't focus on my kids. One day my 3 year old, Maddi, asked me if I was ever going to stop being sad and smile again. It was at that point that I realized it was time to pull myself back up. To be a good mother to my kids and be there for my friends who needed me. And it was at this point that I realized that I had only been focusing on the negative aspects of that relationship. That there were so many good things that I could smile about. Like having to be fed sushi the first time I ever ate it because I couldn't use the chopsticks. I still can't. I eat it with a fork. And watching old movies. And laughing at nothing for hours. These are the memories I choose to keep. It still makes me sad because of the amazing friendship that was lost, but at least now I can smile too. And mainly I smile because of the depth of love that I feel for this person still, no matter how bad things went, that will never change. Ever.

Luckily for me, I had a couple of saviors in my life. Some dear friends that came to my rescue. Who gave me good advice, and let me cry on their laps, and listened to the same things over and over again while I tried to work things out in my head, and let me come stay at their houses so that I could lay in the sun like a lizard, and took me on trips and to concerts to help me remember that I still had life in me. And I have a lot of it. And then the one that showed me how to love again. And that I was good at it and deserved it in return.

I have a couple of New Years resolutions. The first is to stop eating so much cheese. At least until I get that villa in France. The second is to go to a concert every single month. Unless all the bands suck. The third is too believe in myself more. And to not compare everything I do now with what has happened in the past. And the fourth is to stay focused on the good in my life now. I don't know how things are going to turn out. None of us do. But I'm going to make the most of what I have.

So here is my song choice to end the year with. Dashboard Confessional, my third all time favorite band who I am seeing on January 11th In The Venue and then I will have seen all three of my favorite bands in concert , Belle of the Boulevard. Now, I'm no Belle by any means. Although I can sing all the words to Little Town from Beauty and the Beast. But this song makes me feel good. It gives me hope. No more tears. Please hold on, It's alright.

Don't turn away
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Don't be afraid
Or keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard
For the Belle of the Boulevard

Holla, bitches!

My sister has interesting friends.

a lot of them.

I was fortunate enough to spend part of my Christmas celebration with a couple of drag queens.

Which reminds me of a really great joke...

"what do the mormon, the catholic and the drag queen have in common?"


Yeah... um.....I'm not sure yet, but I might be able to tell you later on tonight.

OK, so it wasn't actually funny. kill me.

This has been the most uh, educational holiday in quite a long time. I happen to be very girly, but there is a queen here that makes me look butch. He did compliment my bosoms though. At least he has good taste. Cuz I got a smokin' hot rack.


So in honor of my new friends... I present to you..... Salt & Pepa. Do not hate.


oooooooohhhhhhh yeeeeaaaaahhhhhhh babe.

Just some random thoughts this holiday season...

One of my favorite Christmas songs is Tonight is Christmas by Alabama. If you look over my last few posts I have a lot of favorite Christmas songs. Deal with it. I like Christmas music. Anyway...The chorus says...Tonight is Christmas. Tonight is Love. Tonight we celebrate Gods one and only son. Tonight there's hope for peace on earth eternally. Tonight is Christmas and the worlds in harmony. I love this for two reasons. The first is hope. I think we all lose that over and over again. Life hands us so many trials and tribulations that sometimes we lose faith in ourselves and what we can do. I know I do. Sometimes I feel like I can't do anything right. And a lot of days I don't. But then there are those days when I do. Even if it's just making someone laugh. Or just feel comforted for a moment. We seem to forget the innate goodness that we possess while dealing with day to day life. But every once in a while someone comes along and reminds you of the potential that you have for good. I hope everyone finds that person at some time in there life. The second is that no matter where you come from or what you believe or how much money you make, or don't. There is a feeling of peace and harmony on Christmas. I think we all know that it's a sacred night. And even if it's not for you, there's a certain respect that is silently spoken for those that do. I love that feeling.

My next random thought is why would anyone buy a car with black plastic door handles? It looks so cheap. They should all match the color of the car.

Why do people come into your life at certain times and not others? It can't all just be random. Everyone has different gifts. Are we guided to each other to share what we have when they or we need it? I'm curious.

I would also like to add Kenny G, Michael Bolton and Aaron Neville to my house dropping list.


I want to tell all my brothers how much I love them and how proud I am of all of them. I have the best baby bros in all the land.

Frozen pie is just wrong. And it's true however you choose to interpret that.

Okay...that's all.

Happy Christmas!

Sorry...

It has been brought to my attention, by a concerned reader, that I have made an error. An over sight so egregious, a blind man could see it. I just don't know what to say. I have no excuse other than I was just so damaged from my fetal position in front of a Justin Beiber display sucking my thumb and calling for Mama incident that.... Well, theres just no excuse.

I hate them. I've always hated them. I've mocked people who like them. I won't even let you finish a sentence with their name in it because I have lost all respect for you and am convinced you are a dumb ass. Nothing intelligent can come from people who kill their brain cells willingly by listening to the garbage they call music.


So, the number one group of douches I'd like to drop a house on and I don't even want their damn shoes.... Nickelback.

Diet Pepsi, Muscle Memory and Pop Rocks

These are amongst a number of things that make me happy. Earlier I put a Diet Pepsi in the freezer and I forgot about it. So, when I pulled it out to drink it, it had all these little ice crystals in it and was freezing cold. It was delicious. Happy.

Then I decided to stop being a loser and get prepped on the piano. It is the season of song after all. It was a little sketchy at first, but then I just closed my eyes and did my thing and it all came rushing back. Happier.

And finally, Mads picked out some pop rocks at the gas station when we were there earlier today. I hadn't had those things since I was probably her age. So, we laid on our backs on the living room floor with our mouths open laughing hysterically at how friggin' hilarious we are. Happiest.

Today is good. :)

Some People I'd like to drop a house on...

1. Justin Beiber. Not that this requires any explanation, BUT I was in Toys R Us and someone had pushed all the buttons on every Justin Beiber doll in the entire aisle, and well, when I was done convulsing on the floor from his seizurific chipmunk voice times 75, I decided he needed to die.

2. Bruce Lindsay. The dude from channel 5 news. Quite frankly, I'm still annoyed by how he used to say Nagano during the Japan Olympics.

3. Paula Deen. Her teeth are too white. It's unnatural.

4. The creator of Max and Ruby. I don't know, maybe things are different in the rabbit kingdom, but why do they live alone with no parents. And that's a lot of responsibility for a big sister. And Max has an attitude. And Mads loves that dumb ass show and watches it 50 times a day and now she acts like Max and just walks around saying "Hungry" all the time.

5. John Mayer. Who the hell do you think you are? Your face is weird looking. All these women are crazy for being all heart broken over you. Ass hat.

6. Cameron Diaz. Really? Do I need to explain? She's annoying. Also, I would totally steal the shoes sticking out from under the house.

7. My Chin. I'm pretty sure it's the only way to get rid of this zit.

8. The person who pushed all the buttons on the Justin Beiber dolls in Toys R Us. I don't know who you are, but it takes a sick sadistic person to do something like that.

9. All the models in the Kiss Me ads I get on facebook. I hate you and your airbrushed bodies.

10. Alex Ovechkin. You're a tool.

Okay...I'm feeling pretty good about todays list.

This is how I'm feeling today...

You know what really sucks? Spending years of your life trying to convince yourself that you are independent and self reliant and confident and realizing that you are completely full of shit and that you basically can't survive without the constant validation of other people. Whether it be praise for things you do or how you look or, well, basically any kind word will suffice. But the sad thing is that we never trust the sincerity of people when they do have something good to say. How could they possibly see something that we don't see. We live with ourselves everyday, after all. And what a burden that is to the people around you. It's tiring and life sucking. And eventually they are going pull away or you are going to have guilt for doing it so you push them away and then you end up where you started. Alone. Trying to convince yourself that you can make it without people. It's such a vicious cycle.

Depression is such a debilitating, horrible disease. Especially to a person who normally loves life. And people. Because instead of seeking out things to make us happy, we do the opposite. We internalize and pull away. We say things that we don't mean to push people away. And sadly, most of the time, it works. And the people we care about the most...leave. You feel like an emotional basket case. And you don't know what to expect of yourself and others. Your emotions are constantly in limbo from one extreme to the other. There's no happy medium. And you don't know how to stop it from happening. You wake up one morning and it's just there. You lose faith in everything that is important to you and, frankly, you just don't care. There's no joy. Only darkness. And emptiness. And loneliness.

And that's all. Just alone.

My Christmas Wish

It has become apparent to me that Christmas just isn't what it used to be. I'm usually a jolly little elf this time of year and have even found myself struggling with my own Christmas spirit. But I've decided to take a stand for Christmas and those that want to believe.

We always had great Christmases at my house growing up. My mom was the master Christmas decorator. She used to roll around on the roof all by herself putting up our Christmas lights. It was pretty funny to watch, but she did it. Because she loves this season. We would make crafts and bake and take goodies to our neighbors. One of my favorite things to do with her was at night after the boys all went to sleep, we would turn off all the lights in the house and her and I would sit in front of Christmas tree and listen to Christmas music together. I think that started my love for Christmas music. John Denver, Alabama, Kenny Rogers, Jim Reeves, MoTab and all the classics, of course. They all hold special memories for me. Then we'd try to guess what our presents were. She used to annoy me cause she could look at a perfectly square box and know exactly what was inside. And I'd try to figure out which one was the box of tampons that Tim wrapped up for me every year. Normally, it was funny except the one year when I actually needed them and didn't know which gift it was under the tree.

Even with all the fun stuff, we never forgot what the season was supposed to be about. That's why I still get choked up when I hear Harry Belafonte sing Marys Boy Child. Or C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S by Jim Reeves. And it makes me so sad that there are so many who don't have this to give the season meaning. Of course, it's hard to be happy at a season that means nothing anymore but hustle and bustle. It's hard to smile and be polite to the check out girl when all you're thinking about is what you have left to buy. It's hard to spread tiding of joy when the snow is ruining your Italian leather shoes. And it's hard to believe that the people who ARE doing these things are sincere when they treat you like crap the other eleven months of the year.

So, here is my thought for the holiday season. Don't worry about everyone else. Focus on the people that you love and the joy and happiness that they bring into your life. Stop worrying about what's not being done, and do something yourself. Find something or someone to believe in. It will make this season far brighter.

May your days be merry and bright. Happy Christmas.

More Bad Boy Ballads...

Heretofore known as "The Soundtrack To My Broken, Brittle Heart."

I was always the girl who dumped people. I was dating a guy and then all the sudden he ran away with my best friend who also slept with my brother, but I digress. Anyway... After I got rid of that idiot, there was this beautiful boy that asked me to dance, and for the next several months we were inseparable. Our song was "To Be With You" by Mr. Big. He requested it to be played especially for me when he asked me out. He was big, strong, and drenched in Drakkar.

Then he broke my heart.

I have only had my heart broken the one time. That was plenty. After that, I never let anyone in until I met my husband (and he proved himself). I was in love. He was sweet and kind and thoughtful. He made me a mixed tape with some really awesome tearjerkers. I'm not sure you ever really get over your first heart ache... You heal, you go on and eventually you even love again... but there's a fracture there that I'm not sure ever fully heals. Pain like that changes you, and not always for the better.

I prefer to use pain to make me stronger, but I still have an achy feeling when I hear certain songs. So naturally, Ima play them now. Enjoy.

I have a confession to make...

I hate thongs. Does that make me less of a women? I sure hope not because there are few things on this planet that I really hate. Thongs are number one. People who wear pantyhose with sandals or open toed shoes pulls a close second. But that's a whole different post. Today I would like to express my disdain for things in my crack.

First off, I'm a picker. If I have a zit, I'm gonna pop it. If I have something in my teeth, I'm gonna floss. And if there is something in my ass, I'm sure as hell gonna pull it out. So to save myself from constantly digging in my crack and having people think I have the 'roids. I don't wear them.

Second, if you ask people why they wear a thong you generally get two answers. The first is 'it makes me feel sexy'. Well guess what. I've pushed four babies out of my vagina and I have the stretch marks and chicken skin to prove it. Ain't no way a string in my ass crack is ever going to make me feel sexy. Sorry. Not happening. And the second is 'this way you don't have panty lines'. Here's a thought...Wear clothes that fit. That is all.

Third, I did at one point try the thong. My girlfriend who is a runner, like myself, swore that they were the best thing to wear on a long run. So I tried it. And here's what happened. The day after the run my ass was wicked sore. So, I did what any normal girl would have done and I dropped my drawers, bent over, and spread em in front of my mirror. To my surprise, My inner bum lining was all raw and chafed. So of course, my inner hypochondriac kicked in and I immediately got on Web MD to decipher what horrible disease I had when I realized what the culprit was. That wicked piece of cloth, that probably had been a fashion design error to begin with, had rubbed all the mucous membrane right off my sensitive little cheeks. So, after a weeks worth of vaseline applications and painful trips to the pooper, I made a vow. Never again!!! Never will I submit myself to discomfort, excessive picking and eventual chafing again. Unless, it's on an incredible piece of lingerie that is going to hit the bedroom floor in 2.5 seconds anyway.

I know that there are many women out there who are afraid to speak out against the thong. I say to you...DO NOT BE OPPRESSED ANYMORE!!! Wear your boy shorts and hot pants and bikinis, and in SOME peoples cases, double baggers with pride.

Unless you can really work it like this lady. Cause then you're just doing yourself and the people of America a disservice by not letting it all hang out. :)

Because I love you.

"I love hair ballads. I don't care if they're out dated and lame. I still get all choked up when I hear Every Rose Has It's Thorn. Men with that fantastic of hair showing there soft sides, it's, well, just hot. That is all."












There ya go... put the heater on 95 degrees (cuz you're a wimp), turn up the music and flash away, baby. Please just make sure there are no hispanic men in your backyard this time. Please.

Random Thoughts by Moi...

I usually like my blog posts to revolve around a theme. I don't have one today. Just some random thoughts that I've been kicking around and things I've noticed about myself.

First, I don't know what it is about baby things that make me all googly. I would shoot myself in the face if I ever got pregnant again, but the sight of little baby moccasins makes my insides mush. I've always loved kids. Even as I've gotten older, most people start to lose patience and get annoyed with other peoples crying kids. My first instinct is too pick them up and figure out what's wrong. I hate that our society is such that I would probably get a smack down from some stores security or a crazy momma thinking I was trying to rip off her kid. It's not right that we have to stop and think about repercussions before doing something kind.

Second, I really really want to try fake eyelashes. But I have an eye thing and I'm really worried that I'll have an allergic reaction to the glue and my eyes will puff up and then I'll get chlamydia of the eye and go blind.

Third, If you ever feel grumpy and old, you should skip. It's super fun and makes you feel young.

Fourth, At some point in my life I want to 1. Throw a beret off the top of Eiffel Tower. 2. Go to Graceland. 3. Show my boobs at a Motley Crue concert. And, 4. Go ice skating at Rockefeller Center. Also, I would like to see Brett Michaels get his self respect back. That would be really awesome.

Fifth, I love hair ballads. I don't care if they're out dated and lame. I still get all choked up when I hear Every Rose Has It's Thorn. Men with that fantastic of hair showing there soft sides, it's, well, just hot. That is all.

Sixth, I'm really cheap. When did that happen? I look at prices and think I can get six shirts for this price at Ross. I'm a shopper. That's not supposed to happen. I'm not supposed to care. If it makes your butt and boobs look good, you buy it. That's the rule. Also, I looked at the top ten movies of 2010, most of them I hadn't seen, but the ones I had I waited until they were in the redbox before I saw them. And I sneak wal mart $1 boxes of candy into the theater in my gigantic purse. Cheap I tell you. Except when it comes to Peanut Butter. And ketchup. Generic ketchup is just gross.


Seventh, I hate it when people have to photo shop all their pictures before letting anyone see them. That's how your face looks. Deal with it. And we all know you've whitened the hell out of your teeth. We have seen you in person after all.

Hmm...That seems to be all for now. I'm sure I'll think of more later.

Gary is a genius....And purdy too.

I was chatting with a friend earlier tonight and got on the subject of relationships. We are both in our thirties and were saying how sometimes we still feel like we're sixteen. I thought all the insecurities and jealousies and wondering went away when you were older and obviously more mature. But honestly, I think we have more life experience and a little bit more logic and that makes it worse. Instead of running on pure emotion, we question. We attach stereotypes and past experiences. We think logically about the negative and how things can't possibly work. And of course, we bring along all our ridiculous baggage and assume that nobody would in their right minds want to be a part of that.

So, I've decided that, just for a little while, I'm going to focus on the good part of feeling sixteen again. Enjoying the newness and being a part of something really amazing. Getting butterflies in your stomach whenever you touch. Not being able to wait til the next time you get to see each other. And being around someone that makes you smile so much that your face actually starts to hurt. It's really an amazing thing feeling sixteen again.



It's too bad sending a note that says "Do you love me? Check the box." Isn't really acceptable at 33.

It's your birfday...

Happy 29th Birthday plus 6 to my dear friend Layney. Love your face. You'll always be young too me. Well, except when you're so tired after a concert that you have to sleep the entire next day and I have to go shopping by myself. Then you're old. But other than that, you'll always be young. Have a great one.

Day Two...

This is one of my Christmas songs to sing in my round brush. Cause I'm cool like that.




Please remember...Country music is acceptable at Christmas. Thank you and have a nice day.

Day One...

I love Harry...





He makes me want to have lots and lots of sex.

My sweet boy

Fifteen years ago I married a cute boy. Four kids, three states, five houses, 2 kissing fish and a spastic yellow lab later.... he's still pretty cute.

Not to mention the fact that he can handle me. He's got mad skillz cuz I be crazy, yo.











And even though sometimes we totally wanna kill each other, we don't.



That is true love.

It is time...

Let the festivities begin. :)

This is How I'm Feeling- CLeO StYLe

I haven't posted in a while. I've ben busy traveling to see my boyfriend perform and spending quality time with peeps I love.

Tis the season, you know. I'm full of turkey and pumpkin pie. And I changed the ringtone on my phone to officially ring in the holiday season. I have several favorite Christmas songs. I'm only gonna play a couple for you, because I don't wanna torture you too much, what with your bellies full of stuffing and pie and junk.

Happy Thanksgiving

Pull out the sweat pants and pepto and have a fabulous day.

P!nkalicious

I have come to learn that I am one of those annoying fairytale loving dreamers. It's actually quite hard for me to admit that because I like to think of myself as more hard than that. As someone who can say who cares and close off and walk away. Or as someone who can just give up on love. Who doesn't need it.

But alas, I was only deluding myself. Apparently I play the role of love sick sucka faaaaar better. And I'm okay with that. It's better than being jaded and poisonous to other people. As Nada Surf says..."Always love. Hate will get you every time." We do and say stupid things in the name of love. But we do far more damage to ourselves and others in the name of hate and anger.

So, I'm admitting that I'm a big fat liar when it comes to my "official" stance on love. It isn't for sucks. They don't deserve the time and effort it takes to make it last. And it takes a lot. And sometimes people screw up. And we need to make room for that and be forgiving and loving. Because if it's real, it's worth the effort to do it right.



Just don't stand there and watch me fall.

I hate snow...

It's cold and wet and icky and stupid. Hate it.



But I love Fleet Foxes. That is all.

For my Layners...

Whom I love and adore. And who is not at all bitchy or bossy or any other negative word imaginable. She is only kind and funny and smart and precocious and ferocious.

You know how you have certain friends that stay with you forever no matter what? Well, I have been blessed with two of those and the oldest and dearest is my dear Layney. She's always there for me, no matter what. She tries really hard to not judge me but that's really hard to do cause I can do some pretty stupid stuff. But I always know that she has my best interests at heart. Even if I'm not ready to listen. She knows when I'm having a hard time. We like to call it BFF intuition, but it's probably because I go underground and don't respond to anyone or anything. But she doesn't stop trying. She gets pissed that I don't answer my damn phone. But she never stops trying. She knows when I'm trying to sort things out in my head when I get that glazed look on my face. Then she rolls her eyes and says...just talk to me stupid. I can help you. Then I do, and she does. She'll lay in my bed and rub my hair and play music for me when I'm crying my eyes out in the middle of the night even though she's butt frickin' tired and has to catch a plane early the next morning. She makes me laugh. A lot.


This is how long we'll be friends...




Oh man...I'm funny...Here's your real song.




I love ya my sweet friend.

California is the place for me....

The worst thing about being so far away from people you love so much is having to leave them after a far too short trip. But we made the most of our time and had a blast doing it. Here are some of my favorite memories.

10. Cheese.

9. Meeting Elle and getting my first tat. She was wicked awesome.

8. Mmmm...Blueberry.

7. Getting to cuddle with my handsome man every night.

6. Listening to Gerard split a gut.

5. SkyCock and the Labradoodle boner shield.

4. Pieces of cherry pie the size of my face.

3. Laying on the couch in the morning with a cup of coffee, Brenda and the sun from the sky light on my face. I love the lizard life. Except they don't drink coffee.

2. Nathan saying..."This is the best day of my whole life."

1. Brendas face as she reached for me to save her as she flew off the seat of Francis' backyard boogie and I just pointed and laughed. Hahahahahahahahahahha!!!!

For Patrick...

Try not to miss me too much. And I promise I'll come home. So stop pouting. And maybe, just maybe, I'll bring you some Mickey Mouse ears. :)

One More Day....

And yes...I've been singing this song in my round brush all morning. Thanks for asking.

Two more days....

A comment under this video said..."106 teenage girls watched this video thinking it was Katy Perry then went crying to their parents." Made me laugh.

Enjoy the moment...

I think that there are people out there that are just inherently happy. I'm not saying crappy things don't happen to them, I'm sure that they do. But instead of wallowing they rise above and make something good out of what happens.

I love Matt and Kim because happiness just flows from their music. If it's not your particular style, they can take a little getting used too. But it's well worth the time. My favorite line in this song is "No time for cameras we'll use our eyes instead. No time for cameras. We'll be gone when we're dead." I love that line. It gives me a new perspective on the lives going on around me. We're so busy trying to catch the shot that we forget to enjoy the moment. And before you know it, those moments will be gone.




And frankly, happy people are far more enjoyable to be around then mopey, sad, woe is me people. And happy people have no time for pointless arguments and revenge. They're too busy being happy. And cool. That is all.

I'm in love. A lot of times.

I am getting excited for my trip... I get to go with a great friend, I get to see my beautiful BFF and I get to see my very favorite singing boy!


This is one of the best Killers songs out there.

Life is Beautiful...

I don't usually post twice in one day. But this is my inner thoughts post for the day. It seems as though whenever you get a little good in your life there are always those standing at the sidelines waiting to sabotage it. The adage "misery loves company" is alive and kicking. And thriving, it would seem. Well, I'm tired of being miserable. I'm tired of letting other peoples opinions of what me and my life should be like affect my outlook. I'm the one who decides here. No one else. No one gets to choose my friends. I do. No one gets to decide whether my behavior is inappropriate. I do. And a lot of times it will be. That's one of my most irresistible attributes.

Anyway... my point is that I can't let all the external crap affect my outlook anymore. There's so much of it, and most of it negative, if I did that I'd be living in the depths of despair most of the time. I can't do that. I'm too happy of a person to be continuously brought down by the craziness that surrounds me. Can we escape it? No. Can we control it? Absolutely not. But what we can do is remove as much of it as possible from our lives. And ignore the rest as best as possible.

Life is good. Not great. But really good. And I have to have hope that it will get better.





I have a lot of things to be happy about...

It's just my opinion...

But I think Brandon sold himself short on this one. He didn't think he would do this song justice because it was so beautiful. Musically and vocally I think his cover is far superior to the original. And I love Dire Straits. There's just something about the passion in his voice. I'm sure Layne will agree that the cover is better on this one too. But you decide...

I'm sorry....

But it had to be done. I love it when songs play through on my ipod that I've totally forgotten about. This song actually makes me think of my freshman year in high school. My friend Heather Connor used to love these guys. And I had to pretend like I hated them because they were prettier than me.

Here's a little Gunner and Matthew for ya.




They have pretty hair. That is all.

I Am Not A Man Hater...

I'm just a woman scorned. And quite frankly, anyone who has dealt with the crap that I have would be too. I have had my fair share of man folk in my life, but when I sit down and think about it there are really only four that stand out.

The first was an arrogant s.o.b who thought, and actually still thinks, the sun rises and sets for him. But he could sing like an angel so I let him get away with it. But high school ends and people move on.

The second decided to ask me to marry him and then tell me he had a wife and two kids in another state. And while we're on him, I met him at an LDS singles activity, which he was neither. Big phoney. Made that one easy to move on from too.

The third, well, sometimes people just aren't compatible and no matter how much you try to mold yourself to make them happy eventually your true self comes shining through. Unfortunately, not everyone is ready for your light. Or jelly, for that matter.

The fourth was a different story. I don't know that I'll ever fully move on. And I'm okay with that. Sometimes the good times can outweigh the bad and if you focus on them it makes your heart getting twisted into a pretzel and handed back to you easier to deal with. But sometimes you lose focus on those times and are filled with so much grief that you can barely move because the pain is so intense. I think that was the first time that I actually felt love and loss. And DAMN! that shit sucks.

So anyway...I feel I have cause to be wary of men and their intentions with me. I think even the purest ones can get tainted because of selfishness or guilt or unrealistic expectations or jealousy or whatever the hell you want to refer to it as.





Ummm...I've been listening to The Cure a lot again these days. I think I need a vacation on the beach. But I feel that the first song is how you feel in the beginning. The second is how you feel at the end. I guess it's up to us to decide which we hang on to.


(PS Couldn't find English lyrics for Apart. But if you don't know them, look them up. Very poignant.)

I love bed....

Since I haven't gotten out of my bed for more than the time it takes to use the bathroom all day, I've had a lot of time to think about things. Here are a couple of things that I have reached conclusions on and am pretty comfortable with.

1. No, I'm not going on the deep end. And here's why, I have FRICKIN' amazing friends who love me and stand beside me no matter what. They aren't ever going to let me fall. Ever.

2. I don't really think I like casual acquaintances. Even the ones that say they are your friends. The ones that comment on your statuses, tell you that you look good in your pictures, laugh at your jokes. When push comes to shove, their allegiance is always to someone else. And they don't think twice about 'sending a message' or 'making a call' that they want you to think was benign but that any person with any level of intelligence will know was malicious. If it wasn't, they would have minded their own damn business.

3. For Sky...Internet dating is for sucks.

4. It's hard to deny flesh and blood for virtual. No matter how strong the connection may be. I learned that from Brenda.

5. I like oatmeal. With brown sugar and milk. It's good.

6. Everyone has a little bit of crazy in them. It's whether or not they use it for good or evil that defines them.

7. People get hurt every day. If you spend all your time wondering what you could have done differently you'll make yourself insane. Crap happens. Deal with it. Learn something. Do whatever it takes to be happy and move on.

8. Robert Downey Jr. is really yummy. Yeah. I watched Sherlock Holmes in bed.

9. Everyone is searching for that perfect fit. I don't think that exists. I think you need to find the things that are really important to you and find that match. Everything else will fall into place.

10. I am a very lucky person to have so many people that care about me in my life. Including my kids, family (especially my brothers) and once again my amazing friends. I am never going to be alone.




I friggin' love this song. And it's gonna piss Layne off that I posted it before she got a chance too.

This is how I'm feeling today...Or tonight.

Damn. That's all I got.

I've heard it said...

That men find pregnant women very attractive. I must agree. This is down right SEXY!!!

Spreading the Christmas Cheer

You know how I do love to do my part...





While you're gettin' all jolly I thought I'd contribute a fun tune to help really get ya in the spirit.

Pour Mon Amie....

My poor Layney has been having a hard time. For some reason, she decided to move. I'm pretty sure it's to get away from the crazy family that lives behind her, but who knows. Anyway, moving is a lot of work. Packing and cleaning and getting rid of crap that other people don't want to get rid of. Throw into that mix a teenager, a smarty pants cook, a precocious little tease, a mini wig, and worst of all...a man. Well, you get the point. She needs a pick me up. And who better to give it to her then...MOI?! I'm not quite off the deep end yet. I can still do some stuff on my own.


And quite frankly, I know what makes her happy. Dr. Pepper, cute toes, purses, and music.




Love ya Layney. Hang in there.

How I'm Feelin'.... Cleo style

I love this song. I have loved it forever. It always makes me dance. I think it's angry enough to get the point across, but not over the edge.

There are several different versions of this song available, even an acoustic version by Something Corporate. I, however, am a purest. I typically prefer the original song performed by the original artist. Well, unless the Killers are doing it. They make everything better in Cleo land.

But why don't I allow you to choose for yourself?









It's apples and oranges to me... totally different. I prefer the original.

For Ams...

I got asked a question this morning by my sweet friend that I wish I had a really good answer for. Mainly because I've asked the question myself recently. She asked me how someone you love and give yourself to can just say good bye and move on so easily? I have a few theories and there's a good chance that none of them are correct. But here they are anyway.

My first one was given to me while discussing this with a mutual friend of ours. And he basically insinuated that it's in the dna code. Men don't work the way women do. We need answers to questions. And we ask A LOT of questions at times like this. Men don't. They box it up, put it away and move on. So, there's the dna theory.

Theory two. Pure selfishness. They got what they needed whether it be companionship, sex, food or just someone fun to hang out with for a while. But all the while they had that, they are constantly looking for a replacement. Something shinier. With less baggage, perhaps. I don't know what the motivation is. You fill a need when they need it and when that void is filled they move on.

Theory three. And perhaps the most plausible. They're a bunch of dumb asses who don't know a good thing when it's standing in front of them. I think men get scared far easier than women. And when something is right they look for a million different reasons to make it wrong. Timing, backgrounds, kids, whatever. They can't accept that their feelings are right and because of that they push you away.

Theory four. Some peoples capacity for love is just far greater than others. Some people can give everything of themselves to another person with no regard for themselves. And with no expectations in return except for the hope that they can share an inkling of what we are giving back. These are the ones that feel the most pain. The ones that hang on to the hope of love after it's become painfully aware that there is none left. The ones that believe in people and believe that love can overcome any trial. These are the ones who are let down. And hurt until they lose faith in themselves and those around them. Because, unfortunately, these are the ones who give everything to the opposite type. The ones who can only love themselves. They take and take and take until you are completely empty.

No matter which theory you think is correct, or if you think all of them are crap, when push comes to shove, the only person you have to love is yourself. Because it is going to be through that love that you will find the strength to get up off the floor, brush yourself off and take the time you need to heal. To realize that you're good and kind and not replaceable. That no matter what they say or do, you will know that you touched them in some way that will make their lives better. That love does conquer all. Even ourselves.





Love ya Ams. And I'm super excited that I had a reason to post some Tesla. ROCK ON!!!!

In a perfect world...

Britney wouldn't have had babies and felt the need to show us all her Va-jay-jay. And all her music would sound as AWESOME as this.









I have always been convinced of Muse's awesomeness but if they can do this for Britney, DAMN!!! Imagine the possibilities. We should hook them up with Obama and see if they can work some magic in that department.

And yes, I have spent my Saturday morning laying in bed perusing youtube. Thanks for asking.


Also, I love Edward.

I am woman hear me ROAR!!!

I love strong woman. They make me happy. And it makes me laugh that men can't handle it. I don't know what it is. They are attracted to strong women, but when push comes to shove it freaks them out. I don't know. I guess underneath it all they want the damsel in distress. And quite frankly, they out number strong women 2 to 1. Easy.

I prefer to know that I can do things on my own. That I don't need a man to save me all the time. So...this goes out to all the ladies that I love who are doing it on their own without continually whining about it.







At the end of the day it's what you do and say that makes you who you are.

This is how I'm feeling today...

I haven't had a very good week. I try to pretend that I do, but clearly I have not. I've seen enough vomit and been yelled at by a 5 year old to last me 16 lifetimes. I haven't been exercising so I feel disgusting. I couldn't even wear my cute dress to the opera because I felt like a sicko. Among other crappy things that are too personal to mention on a public forum. Basically, I feel like shit. And I'm sad. And I'm angry. At myself. I'm the strong girl damn it. I'm supposed to box and move on. That's the rule. Pack it up and ship it off. Well, for some reason it keeps coming back. And I'm quite sick of it.


So...I love Amy Lee. She's so angry and poignant and you can totally tell she's been shafted at least once in her life. But I'm gonna go with 2 or 3. Her voice is so ethereal it makes me feel better when I listen. Like I'm not the only person dealing with pain and heartache. Love her. LOVE HER.








I don't want your hand this time. I'll save myself. Maybe I'll wake up for once.

Oh...And return to sender...means I don't want that shit back.

Only the Young... I HAd tO Do iT

I tried, but it's too beautiful not to share. I can't help myself. He's a genius. And pretty.


This is the second single from his debut solo album entitled Flamingo. Even my 13 year old daughter, who claims to not like the Killers (she's got to assert her individuality somehow, right?) was complaining that she "didn't wanna like it, but it's just way too catchy."

Indeed. It. Is.




Well done, my sweet and talented friend. This is a great video.


We now get to see the outcome of the boy who did fly.

Right back at ya...part deux.

That's french. For two. Anyway...I was also going to post this song for my own self. But since Layney gave me her song, I'll give her mine. Although I do believe that the original songs we picked for ourselves fit better.

I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it many, many times again. There ain't a damn thing wrong with being a little crazy.





Average, every day sane psycho. Super goddess. Best lyrics ever.

This is dedicated to my motorcycle mama

I was originally going to post this song for my own self, but it fits her too. This is kinda OLD... but the message is timeless. Stacy- I'm proud of you for going out and doing something you love! You are a friggin rockstar.


P.S. It's not bad to be a bitch when you need to be....

Meredith Brooks - New Music - More Music Videos

A few things I need to get off my chest...

1. I don't like Reese's Puffs cereal.

2. Captain Morgan Tattoo is gross. It tastes exactly like Nyquil. Sick.

3. I get EXTREME pleasure watching the Avalanche get scored on. Exxxxttttrrrreeeemmmmeeee pleasure.

4. Salsa should never come from a ketchup bottle. That's just gross.

5. Richard Simmons wears sweat bands. That is all.

6. Grown men should not listen to Miley Cyrus. Ever.

7. I miss my mom. And Brenda. And Layne. A lot.

8. I have a first edition, first printing excellent condition unabridged copy of Les Miserables if anyone is interested. Stupid, thoughtful, showing up a month after the fact to remind me of what a dumb ass I am, birthday present.

9. I'm bloated and it makes my belly button ring not look cute. And that depresses me. Cause I like my belly button to look cute.

10. Sleeping alone is for sucks.


Okay...I can't decide. Here's two...

Good. Hell. It's perfect...

It's only once in a blue moon that you find a song that can 100% fully embody what you are feeling in your life at a particular time. Well, my friends, I have found it. It's angry and self loathing and screw you perfect. I should have looked to Fiona a long time ago. She has never let me down before. Perfect I tell you!!!

My happy song for the day...

A few things I'm happy about...


1. I'm going to see Brenda in 36 days.

2. Maddi Jo saying..."Ahhh...you're so beautiful Momma.", when I walk into the room.

3. It's cold enough to justify homemade chili and corn bread.

4. Homemade cheesecake with brownie crust and caramel sauce. Thank you Toni.

5. Warm rain. The kind that makes you want to put your arms out and spin around in circles in it. Maybe that's just me.

6. Not being gored by a buffalo.

7. It's cold enough to justify scarves and boots.

8. Not being afraid to sing The Carpenters Close to You at the top of my lungs.

9. Spider spray came and sprayed for spiders today.

10. I look smokin' hot in my new drivers license picture.

Happy, Happy Birthday Stacy Dear!

Hope you're having soooo much fun!!!!!


Love your guts!

I love you. forever and ever.

You were born with goodness.

I'm right behind you in the light of hope. I'll be beside you on that dusty road... and if you get blind, well that's alright- wicked winds blow with grace and might.







when no one expects you to deny, but no one accepts your reasons why...remember that I'm always there.

I'm kind of obsessed about a Boy, A Girl and a Graveyard

I am loving this song right now.

Tarzan Boy and Cool Mint Listerine

I've had this song stuck in my head for three or four days now. So I thought I'd share. The reason it's been in my head is because it used to be a Listerine commercial and every time I use mouthwash I end up humming this song while I swish. I can't help it. It's how great minds work. That's what I'm telling myself anyway. So, don't burst my little delusional bubble. Thanks.






Bahahahahahahahah...I love youtube.

For Mads...

Yep...she knows all the words and the dance. It's terribly annoying. Especially when I ask what she wants for lunch.

Also, I'm pretty sure that's a banana. Not a peanut.

What's not to love....

Tired Pony

This is for my sweet friend who is in love with Gary Lightbody, NOT Brandon Flowers.

Here is a new Super Group fromed by some fairly cool dudes. Gary Lightbody (Snow Patrol) Peter Buck (REM), Scott McCaughey, Iain Archer, Richard Colburn (Belle and Sebastian), Troy Stewart and Garret "Jacknife" Lee...








Here are a few songs...















Album drops in the U.S. on Sept 28th... That's next Tuesday, folks!

I'm feeling sort of ponder some today. Life is just so crazy. You never know what's waiting for you around the next corner. Relationships that you thought were forever crash and burn. New ones rise from the dust but are they the same? Scarred and burned as they are. Friends become lovers. Lovers become enemies. Strangers become your only strength. How in the hell are we supposed to survive?

I think people are an addiction. We become so used to having them in our lives, no matter how toxic, that when they are gone we can't function. Can't move. Can't breath. We crave them. There's no rapid detox for people. Just time and pain and healing. And the hope that eventually you'll be able to feel something besides them again.

I've said it before that it is so surprising to me how easily we can be replaced by some. It's like the time and love and effort you poured into something just isn't important anymore. You're not needed because someone or something new has come along. I don't understand people like that. I don't understand the callousness that leads to that kind of behavior. How you can just be shut off, boxed up, and put out on the curb.

We all have a weakness. Some of ours are easy to identify. Mine is trusting to easily. And loving to quickly. And hurting to deeply. I hope it doesn't turn me into something that I'm not.

White Female...

If I were to write a personal ad it would go something like this. I do like Pina Coladas but really I'm a bud light kind of girl. I like classical music and walks in the rain. I like picnics in the park and hikes in the mountains. I like evenings out where I can put on a dress and actually feel like a girl. I love high heeled shoes and chocolate shakes and french fries. I'd rather wear a t shirt and jeans if given the choice. I love to go out and act like a crazy person, but I also like to lay on the couch in my pajamas and watch old movies.

I love to laugh and be silly. I have a thing for dorky men. I like Mexican food a lot. I like candle lit bubble baths and back rubs. I can out lyric anyone at anytime. Don't be offended by it. I love love. It makes me happy.


Seeking someone who won't let me down.

I'm tired.... Also, I'm plagued by burning questions.

Where did we come from?


Where are we going?


What the freak am I making for dinner?


and.....


who the hell is Holly?


I really wanna know.




ever noticed how cute Mark Hoppus is? Uh... I have...

The National

is cool.

Here... I'll prove it...

And here is Edward Cullen's theme song.... "Bloodbuzz Ohio"

Brandon on Kimmel